The West Country Regional Authority has today announced the introduction of a new 12-sided £1 coin which will enter circulation on 28 March. In a radical break with tradition the obverse of the coin will feature the profile of Dorset celebrity executive Mrs Amanda J Threadbone. It is believed that Her Majesty the Queen will continue to feature on the front face, though The Dorset Royal [after Eight] Mint has yet to confirm this.
Users of the new coin will notice that it is:
12-sided - its distinctive shape means it is guaranteed to get stuck in all those awkward places and is particularly dangerous when swallowed by small children
Bimetallic - The outer ring is gold coloured and the inner ring is silver coloured ensuring that it matches at least three versions of the iPhone 7.
Latent image - it has an image like a hologram that changes from a '£' symbol to the '€' indicating likely post Brexit parity between the two currencies.
Micro-lettering - around the rim on the obverse face of the coin reading: THE THREADBONE CORPORATION ["In thee we trust"]. On the front face you can find both the year the coin was forged and the recommended "use by" date.
Milled edges - it has grooves on alternate sides for those wishing to file a snagged nail whilst paying for a sandwich (sandwiches will require several coins).
Hidden high security feature - an additional security feature is built into the coin to protect it from counterfeiting but details have not been revealed. It is believed to be a small(ish) radio-active isotope.
"The coin is the first in a series of releases especially designed to inconvenience slot-machine operators nationwide" Indian-born Master of the Dorset Royal [Horni] Mint, Deep Pokets revealed. "We anticipate that it will cost retailers an absolute fortune to reconfigure all of their machines which can only be good news for consumers as the costs of refitting are passed on to them in due course and we finally see an end to low mortgage rates, the restoration of rampant inflation and much higher unemployment". Mr Pokets was formerly chief economic advisor to Gordon Brown.
Other new coin issues are set to include:
A £20 coin designed for those with money to burn but insufficient will to go through with it. It will feature local Dorset billionaire R Branson Thrupiece.
A Sir Andy Tennison-Ball £2 coin which will celebrate the West Dorset sportsman's exit in Round 1 of the Affpuddle All-Dorset Open Lawn Tennis Championships (2016).
A 50p coin which will mark the achievements of culinary bio-ethicist and fitness guru Audrey Badminton-Court, a one-time Master of the Dorset Royal [Honeckers Dunkel Schokolade Nachabendessen] Mint and the first female member of the RSCBE. It will be the world's first ethically bio-degradable coin and will dissolve without trace if soaked overnight in warm soapy water. Replacement coins will be available priced 50p.