OFPISTE To Resume Thrupiece/Orinoco Inquiry
West Dorset Supreme Council's Office for the Pointless Investigation of Standards in Trading [OFPISTE] has announced that its Mergers and Monopolies Commission has re-opened investigations into the Thrupiece/Orinico mega-merger finally completed late in 2016. OFPISTE's initial investigation was abandoned after three years, it's Chairman Cllr Bruce Cartell quoting "insufficient evidence" as the basis for its disappointing termination. Speaking at the time Mrs Amanda J Threadbone had declared the inquiry "a complete waste of time and money" adding that "everyone knew there were no skeletons in the cupboard" [This is believed to be a reference to her late husband's controversial "cremation" which, Mrs Threadbone has previously insisted had been conducted according to his exact wishes and entirely above board. Mr Threadbone body was immolated in a petrol fuelled mini-tractor incendiary ceremony sanctioned by the Fishpond Bottom Neo-Adventist Technical Church of Christ Our Driver.]
Sources close to the Supreme Council claim that new evidence has come to light about The Thrupiece Organisation's acquisition of the giant internet retailer. Certainly recent visitors to the Thrupiece website will have noticed the incorporation of Orinoco's online store into that site. Industry experts believe that the move - which obliges all DHRA, AJTCorps, Threadbone Press, thrupiecemedia and other customers to make their purchases through the Orinoco facility - may breach Dorsetwide [Melbury Bubb] competition rules.
Learning of the resumption of OFPISTE investigations yesterday, a spokeswoman for Mrs Threadbone told journalists: "This is the kind of heavy-handed thuggery for which people died in the Second World War". Asked if she was comparing OFPISTE CEO Sir Geoffrey Goebbels to Hitler, the spokeswoman added tersely "Certainly not, Hitler had a soft spot for music and regularly took Grape Nuts, which is more than can be said for Sir Geoffrey".
Mrs Threadbone herself joined in the debate via her Threadbone Twooer™ feed: "Typical! The sooner we are out of the West Dorset Union the better. #Drexit".
The inquiry continues on Monday and is expected to last at least 4 years.