Woman Found Wandering on the Downs
A woman found wandering and in distressed state was taken into protective police custody earlier today and later sectioned under the Mental Health Act. The 45 year old who cannot be named for legal reasons and is referred to only as Ms T was discovered by walkers Denis and Doreen Rambler who were "out for a stroll with our German shepherds Freud and Jung". "The poor woman was clearly distraught and just kept on repeating the word "sausage" and then "in the wrong place" which made no sense at all", Doreen told reporters for the Pokesdown Weekly Argus. Her husband added that "she also kept pointing to her arm and saying "he pushed me", though obviously we had no idea what she meant. Mr and Mrs Rambler described how they had managed to persuade the woman to accompany them to the nearest bus shelter where they boarded the No 65 to Portesham and the local Police Station. In a written statement, Police confirmed that a 45 year old B&B owner from the local area was undergoing assessment.
Agony aunt and former psychology student Cy Kotik offered his considered opinion: "The phrase "he pushed me" is significant but may well mean that something or, more likely, someone pushed her beyond endurance - over the edge as it were, figuratively speaking - whilst the reference to sausage should not be taken too literally either. In classic psycho-therapy "sausage" often references the male gender and, more specifically, to that part of the male anatomy which - stereotypically - is regarded as the one most closely resembling a sausage [the penis [ed]]. The likelihood is that this woman has been threatened by a man who has possibly overwhelmed her or - at the very least - exposed himself to her. As for placing his "sausage" "in the wrong place" - well we can all draw our own conclusions. I would rule out vaginal penetration on these grounds alone". Asked what might be in store for Ms T, Mr Braine suggested "a period of rest and recuperation would be standard practice alongside weeks of intense therapy. Together these will begin to yield benefits as will the availability simple and reassuring home comforts: for example, good nutrition. After all there's little that the sight of a full English breakfast can't put right".
Artist's sketch of the woman found wandering on the downs. Later identified only as Ms T she is believed to be a local B&B owner in crisis.