Mrs Doris Endersely-Kindersley was today accused of "clinging on desperately to power" as PM (Photo-copier Monitor) and Secretary of the DHRA after losing support in a snap election which she called just weeks after coming into office. Defeated opponent Mr Jermyn Street claimed that support for his candidacy was greater than for hers despite receiving less votes.
A visibly shaken Mrs Endersely-Kindersley had called the election in order to strengthen her hand in the forthcoming DADHRAM negotiations (the Dorset and Devon Historical Romance Associations Merger talks) but had failed to secure the overwhelming endorsement she sought. Instead Mrs Endersely-Kindersley will have to form an alliance with the soft-DADHRAM faction - the Dorset (DUP) (the North Dorset Strict Anabaptist branch of the DHRA) - a position which critics argue fatally undermined her credibility. The North Dorset branch's representatives will meet with Mrs Endersely-Kindersley later today: their demands are likely to include: a ban on same-sex intimacy in DHRA endorsed novels, the withdrawal of the controversial "Book of the Month" logo and a triple lock on future subscription rises (based on the RPI (wine-gums / Daily Telegraph weighting), the costs of a band-stand ticket at Lyme Regis and the average weight of a thrupiecediet festive disc - whichever is the lowest).
Determined to make a minority Secretaryship work, Mrs Endersely-Kindersley (79) forged ahead with her visit to President for LIFE (Mrs Amanda J Threadbone) who she said, given appropriate assurances, had asked her to form a Committee.
Speaking outside her Piddletrenthide home, a stony faced Mrs Endersely-Kindersely said: "What the DHRA needs now is a period of stable leadership and I intend to provide that... The DADHRAM negotiations which we must now face are perhaps the most important negotiations of my literary lifetime and I am determined to get them right. More than anything I want to keep my free subscription to the DHRA and complementary biscuits at branch meetings. Furthermore ... the very idea of placing Mr Street in a position of responsibility for something as sensitive as the photo-copier is simply unthinkable. I doubt the technicians would be prepared to brief him."
Asked if she felt weakened as a result of the election, Mrs Endersely-Lindersley said: "Well I do feel a little weary, it was a long two day campaign and I was on my feet more than usual. After all my husband is 87 and he can't carry ALL the shopping." A bullish Mr Jermyn Street - whose "message of hope" is thought to have played particularly well with younger voters (60-72 group) tweeted "We won and they lost even if the mathematics of the voting figures suggest otherwise. I have a Committee in waiting and feel sure I will be PM and Secretary before the year is out. This is a triumph of hope over not hope and not fear over fear as well as the ability to disguise how horrible you really are. I am a terrific photocopier and will be making further ludicrous statements every few hours. Thank you very much."
[LEFT] A defiant Mrs Endersely-Kindersley's position remains tenuous, whilst [RIGHT] Mr Street is angry at the failure of the public to realise he won less votes and should therefore replace Mrs Endersely-Kindersley as Secretary of the DHRA.