DHRA Reshuffle: Those Shocks In Detail
In a move likened by critics to the infamous "night of the long knives" (see "Pundbury Chefs Go Head-to-Head in Acrimonious Hog Roast Carvery Contest" Chaldon Herring Sentinel 12 June 2003) yesterday's DHRA Ways and Means Committee reshuffle has, DHRA watchers believe, given ammunition to enemies of beleaguered Chair and PM Mrs Doris Endersley-Kindersley.
Speaking for the opposition faction, a visibly indifferent Mr Jermyn Street said that it was typical of under-fire Chair and PM Mrs Doris Endersley-Kindersley that she should punish others to avoid admitting her own incompetence and culpability. "It is typical of under-fire Chair and PM Mrs Doris Endersley-Kindersley that she should punish others to avoid admitting her own incompetence and culpability", he said. He added that he had "some sympathy for those who have changed jobs" whilst paying personal tribute to outgoing Chef de Jour Ariadne Supovtheday: "I feel some sympathy for her" he said, "It was a role for which she was well suited. She had absolutely nothing to do but, as far as I am aware, that suited her perfectly". "And she looks better in a toque blanche than she will in a pair of marigolds", he added unnecessarily. He was less charitably inclined towards her successor Bunty Reste-Roome, however, who he described as "a catastrophe waiting to happen". "She couldn't handle a swiss roll let alone a toilet roll. And she'll never come to terms with a stool: she hasn't the grip for it".
Mrs Endersley-Kindersley has meanwhile defended the brutal re-shuffle arguing that change was necessary if the Committee was to be refreshed and continually supplied with new ideas. "The re-shuffle was necessary" she said, "if the Committee is to be refreshed and continually supplied with new ideas". "What will become of our reputation for defending the status quo if things just stay the same on their own? You have to have something to put down every now and again."
So does Mrs Endersley-Kindersley emerge weakened or less vulnerable as a result of the reshuffle. Political Editor of the Broadmayne Bugle Lorna Coons-Burgher is unsure: "I have no idea" she told inquirers. "I've stopped making predictions since I called the election wrong and they doubled my salary".
All change at the DHRA. ABOVE: Anxious Committee members Dorothy Stanton-Fisher and Olivia Thames-Linke await the call from Mrs Billington-Marjorie. BELOW: Bunty Reste-Roome (right) ponders new challenges as she practices handling the stool, whilst naturalised French citizen Coco Powde'd-Egge lends a sympathetic ear.
Those shocking Committee changes in full (new appointments highlighted)
Secretary Mrs Marjorie Billington-Marjorie Mrs Marjorie Billington-Marjorie
Ways Intendant Olivia Thames-Linke Olivia Thames-Linke
Means Intendant Major Billington Marjorie Major Billington Marjorie
Reclaims Clerk Dorothy Stanton-Fisher Dorothy Stanton-Fisher
Manciple Tim Brunton-Egge Tim Brunton-Egge
Underwriter Lloyd Bank-Clarke Lloyd Bank-Clarke
Undertaker Penelope de'Ath Penelope de'Ath
Chef de Robe Coco Powde'd-Egge Coco Powde'd-Egge
Chef de Cabinet D F S Sofa D F S Sofa
Chef de Jour Ariadne Supovtheday Bunty Reste-Roome
Keeper of the Stool Bunty Reste-Roome Ariadne Supovtheday
Access Officer vacant vacant
Equal Opportunities vacant vacant
Social Responsibility vacant vacant
Under 60s Rep vacant suspended