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Bone Idol

The Threadbone China Corporation, makers of fine porcelain, crockery, object d'art and morceaux de conversation, have today made available to the undiscerning collector matching Jamilla Clarke-SHopes [Shelley-Lulette Sizemore] and Jason Stourpiane [Professor Brian Thrupiece] ceramic mini-statuettes to commemorate the release by thrupiecefilm of Naked Abstraction, the box-office challenging biopic which stars Ms Jamilla Clarke-Shoes and Mr Jason Stourpaine as Ms Sizemore and Professor Thrupiece respectively. The JC-S as S-LS and JS as PBP hand-crafted and [rather appropriately] "hand-finished" matching statuettes are expected to prove popular amongst those who regard such objects, not as opportunistic marketing tat but rather as dust-harbouring [or more frequently "in a box in the loft"] collectables. Often described by retailers as "limited edition investment opportunities" they generally prove anything but, though harsh resale experience seems in no way to diminish enthusiasm for them. Or so hopes the Threadbone China Corporation.

Shot largely on location in places where the actual events took place, Naked Abstraction, tells the story of the relationship between the two star-crossed horizontal joggers during their final fateful days together at the exclusive Hotel Cornavin in Geneva, Switzerland.

Historical Fact-check

An advertising poster signed by Ms Badminton Court at the time of her concert tour. "Not a natural Entertainer" opined Dorset Cabaret Monthly, though friend Cecilia Notso-Pointy begged to differ.

In 2005, the Professor was attending the Annual RSCBE Bioethical Science Conference in the Swiss capital when he went "missing presumed absent" shortly prior to giving his plenary address to the 2,348 assembled delegates. [Ms Audrey Badminton-Court stepped in at the last moment and entertained the distinguished audience with a series of culinary-bioethically-themed arias and songs which she later developed into her Bradpole Festival stealing one-woman show. It later toured Dorset-wide as A Tribute to Audrey Heartburn.]

Shortly before his still-unexplained disappearance, Professor Thrupiece left a note for his erstwhile companion the young and then-unknown Ms Sizemore indicating that he had "popped out" momentarily and was intending to return soon. He did not. Nor did he attend, the following April, the Association Dinner at his alma mater Magdalene College, Cambridge where he was due to give the ANNUAL LECTURE. He has not been seen since*.

*Unless 135 separate but unconfirmed sitings are to be believed. [Ed]

Mini Statuette Offer

The highly collectable Jamila as Shelley-Lulette and Jason as Brian hand-crafted, hand-finished non-machine-washable ceramic mini statuettes are offered as a pair in a luxury cardboardette with artificial silk presentation box and are not available separately. The Threadbone China Corporation is making them available both as an outright purchase [£2,000] and via a subscription deal through which the more importunate can secure their very own set via a downpayment of only £250 and 36 monthly instalments of £50 [Total Cost £2,050].

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