One of the casualties - or so many believe - of the never-ending CONTRIK-69 saga is the notable drying up of the stream of news and a significant diminution in the flow of daily updates upon which we have all come to rely for our insights into the lives of Dorset's most famous personalities. When, for example, did we last hear of Lady Crimewave [last week [Ed]], Royston Binstock, Brenda Oats, Irina Legova, Cecelia Notso-Pointy, Audrey Badminton Court, Rowena Westlake or Mrs Whisky McNightly, let alone of Mrs Amanda J Threadbone - the woman, without daily updates on whom, almost no self-respecting newspaper could once go to press? Happy the days when Ron Nasty and his ilk had only to record an off-hand word, snap an off-the-record picture or attribute an off-message remark in order to double a print run or authorise a special 42-page colour supplement.
So just what has been going on in the once busy lives of the rich, famous, the not so rich and not so famous and the neither rich nor famous [just publicity-prone] whose routines and affairs were once the very manna upon which the ordinary folk of Dorset fed?
professorthrupiece.com has learned that whilst for many, life has gone on much as it has for the rest of us [enforced isolation, house arrest, harassment, sensual deprivation, sinister visitations, ubiquitous shortages and an excess of spirit-lowering and generally debilitating news], for some, the ravages of CONTRIK-69 have been less severe to the point that "working from home" has seemed little different from "being at home and working". Of no-one is this more true than Dorset's best known and most loved workaholic Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, CEO, CIO, Chair, President and founding spirit of the Threadbone Corporation and its many offshoots, subsidiaries, global partners and franchise clients. Only last week it was revealed by a super-fit [though slightly tired] looking Enriqué, that he and Mrs Threadbone had been " haciendo ejercicio como de costumbre" ["working out as usual"] whilst trying out a number of "ángulos nuevos y emocionantes" ["new and exciting angles" - the spirit of the phrase is not easily translated] based on a combination of necessity, flexible thinking and the discovery of a new method of "oiling the wheels" ["lubricación"]. "Para una mujer de cierta edad, es notablemente de mente abierta" ["For a woman of a certain age she is remarkably open-minded"] he added; indeed she is, he revealed "Abierta en todo momento" ["open at all times"]. Good news indeed for those of us who are similarly moving towards the more mature phase of our lives.
An identical note was struck recently by Sydling St Nicholas Sun columnist and society reporter Poh Kerr-Noisin] who happily avers that "the fact that Mrs Threadbone - no longer a young and thrusting junior underling - is still on the job is an encouragement to us all, proof if it were needed that an understanding and energetic partner is, generally speaking a boon during a housebound global pandemic. She does, however, add a note of caution which we would be equally well advised to bear in mind: "I imagine, however, that though they are now taking up their normal positions again with Mrs Threadbone very much on top, they will be observing good practice and still using appropriate protection".*
*Life and other Insurance quotations can be sourced online in seconds via the Threadbone Mutually-Assured-Inflation Assurance Company's premium comparison site, compare_the_small print.com
All that said, proof if it were needed, that time spent in fully-vaccinated pointless re-inforced lock-down can still be time spent productively, comes in the form of a new pre-Christmas release from the Threadbone Press: Home Is Where Enriqué Is: An intimate Memoir. Described by the publisher as "the most candid insight we have yet had into the luxurious life of one of Dorset's most public yet most private citizens" the beautifully illustrated tome is "a triumph of the publisher's art" [Mrs Edna Whisky McNightly, Dorset Review of Superfluous and Opportunistic Christmas Stocking-Fillers]. Those with the wherewithal to purchase the fabulous Special Edition are in for an enhanced treat [those without can always visit their local library - if, of course, they can find one] since it contains an additional 12 photographs especially commissioned by Mrs Threadbone from renowned photographer Dierdre Eastman-Kodakowski. Showing the author and her helpmeet at their most intimate and relaxed, the Special Edition is surely the gift of choice for all those envious of the celebrity lifestyle celebrity, keen to assuage their CONTRIK-69 induced eavesdropping thirst and "willing to go that extra mile to achieve full satisfaction".
Available from Threadstones, the orinoco store and all good High Street booksellers, Home Is Where Enriqué Is: An intimate Memoir could be just what you were looking for when you last went out shopping and couldn't find anything for the person who is always difficult to find something for this [and any other] Christmas.