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Is A Lack of News Making The News "News"

Has the indefinite suspension of all forms of human activity and the complete absence of interesting material to be quarried from people's exceptionally boring lives [not forgetting the impact of the RDC’s superb operational signal-jamming of all non CONTRIK-69-related news] finally got to the good folk at - the once great source and mouthpiece of all things Great Heaving-related? Recent evidence certainly suggests that the much-quoted and occasionally admired online digital-info-portal may just be running out of things to say as four days of radio silence have sent ever-eager critics scurrying to write their institutional obituaries - proving them ready, once again, to consign to journalistic history the once all-seeing and all-knowing Threadbone Corporation-owned information super-hub. Yes folks the question on everyone's lips is: have the mighty finally fallen? And is itself just “yesterday’s news”? [That's actually two questions but at least it suggests that there was news yesterday - what was it? [Ed].]

Not making the news: The lack of news is causing problems for many of the county's great news gathering media. "The harvest is small and the labourers are great", one of the more poetically inclined commentators has said.

Factually speaking, today marks the fifth consecutive “quiet” day for the official, online, virtual, non-analogue Threadbone Corporation/thrupiece organisation newsfeed - and this in a month which normally sees the virtual journal at its busiest, wrapping up early New Year stories ["Hampreston woman found Christmas Day sprouts still in the oven on Valentine's Day"] whilst preparing for the frenzied activities that are, typically, the harbinger of the spring Festival Season. But with no Primavera Festival at all this year and the annual Threadbone Festival of Crime mounting only a token virtual effort [An evening with Rowena Westlake is a 40 minute rehash of old interview footage, whilst Polly Anthus’s My Greek Adventures has been postponed indefinitely pending vaccination certificates for the film crew and the establishment of an open air-bridge from the author's home to Piddletrenthide Aerodrome]*, things are, says media watcher Medea Watcha, “a bit slack”.

As recently as last April, at least 10% of newspaper content was "news" as defined by the Dorset Press Association. ie anything that sells newspapers.

*Organisers had planned to include at least two other sessions: Solving Locked Room Mysteries with Agatha Panthus and Emergency Ward CONTRIK-69 with Emma Roid but the first was derailed when mystic spirit guide. medium and clairvoyant - Aylby C Inue - was unavailable due to unforeseen circumstances and so unable to converse with the long-dead authoress, whilst Adam Carrington's famous creator - surgeon Mr Ahmed Aziz - has been in enforced disciplinary self-isolation for 9 months following an incident with a trainee nurse and a rogue breast-pump in April of last year- a story which readers of the Mappowder Mirror will know "went viral" even at a time when there was such a thing as actual news.

In the meantime, observers of the fortunes of the newsfeed will be watching anxiously for signs of life. As one fan put it: "Without its daily dose of innuendo, verbose quasi-intellectual bullshit and vacuous posturing wrapped up in a barely disguised t*tfest, life would just seem like an endless series of socially-distanced eventless days". Well we can't have that can we?!!


Founder CEO, CFO and President for life of the Threadbone Corporation, Mrs Amanda J Threadbone is still Founder CEO, CFO and President for life of the Threadbone Corporation

Professor Brian Thrupiece who's status remains "missing presumed disappeared" as a result of an incident involving a small hand-held electrical appliance in a Swiss hotel room in 2005 is, according to L'Autorités Suisse, still "missing presumed disappeared".

Current DHRA Chair Mrs Endersley-Kindersely, whose period in office was extended by 10 years to ensure continuity after the CONTRIK-69-induced lockdown ends, is still in office.

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