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It's The Sun What Dun It


Contrary to the gloomy gloomy view adopted in yesterday's Sydling St Nicholas Sun - which opined that the campaign to highten awareness of a loss of momentum in the search for missing presumed disappeared Culinary Bio-ethics pioneer Professor Brian Thrupiece was akin to "pissing in the wi eft at the time and" "closing the stable door after the horse had bolted", "rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic" and, most damningly "a sad waste of time and effort"* - the RDC has reported a huge upswing in [prank] calls to its Corfe Mullen headquarters and even the suggestion of several promising new leads.


* launched by the “Keep on looking and never give up” wing of the Confederated National Professor Brian Thrupiece Is Most Definitely Alive Campaign [CNPBTiMDAC] on the near 19th anniversary of his last sighting somewhere in the environs of the Hotel Cornarvin, Geneva, Switzerland. A note left at the time and believed, by Les authorithées Suisse, to be authentic suggested that the Professor - [over]excited at the prospect of an imminent meeting with his travelling companion Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore - had "just popped out for a quick one". [See Pria Pic "Dealing with a loaded gun" Hotel Cornarvin Complimentary Guest Advice Manual [2004] revised [2006]]


Speaking this morning at his daily Press Conference, Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave, flanked by his newly appointed Cold Case Division Commander [Noel Eads] and Head of Forensic Science [Dr Mayne Kossof-d'Eath], said that the public response had been overwhelming. He confirmed that members of the recently disbanded CONTRIK-69 Heavily Mechanised Public Control Division had been deployed to sift through the evidence, but warned that retraining might take several years. "Battle-hardened, hair-triggered and brutalised as the men are from two years on the front line, it will take them some time to readjust to life in the office: shuffling papers, filing reports and waving clip boards. However I am confident that, with the support of PTS experts, psychologists, under-employed Gps and repetative powerpoint presentations, they can be weaned from mindless violence and set on path of quiet working-from-home inquiry. Some could be ready to start on a part time basis as early as 2027."


The property photographed yesterday shortly before our reporter was attacked by a weaponised drone.

Meanwhile professorthrupiece.com has learned that one of the leads involves a luxury farm house near County Gates which was recently sold to an Eastern European buyer with interests in the energy supply business. Initial inquiries suggest that a Mr Yevgeny Mormonithaneva bought the property in September of last year for a reported 44.5 million barrels.

However, our reporters were unable to gain access to the premises which, having been recently fortified, boasts 15 rooms, 8 en suite and round-the-clock dog patrols.


Temporary Police Headquarters near the County Gates farmhouse. Police are appealing for help in identifying the man in the picture who they believe may be responsible for the theft of the large police truck seen in the lefthand image.



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