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Know Your Local Multinational Companies #7

An occasional series in which we dig deep into the organisations you know and trust to find out who's in charge and just what's going on..

Threadbone Forensic Reconstructions Ltd [TFR Ltd]

Proprietor: The Threadbone Corporation

Founded: 2014

Registered Premises: Block D, Unit 64, Professor Thrupiece House, Great Heaving, Dorset, United Kingdom

Annual Turnover: not declared

Legal Compliance Record: not available

Environmental Compliance Record: not applicable

Court Orders Pending: "nobody's business but ours"

Board Chair: Mrs Amanda J Threadbone

CEO: Mrs Amanda J Threadbone

CFO: Mrs Amanda J Threadbone

Core Business: Snooping around in other company's affairs; seeking out wrongdoing; exposing bad practice, covering up the same for financial gain [in-house investigations and clearances a speciality]

Notable Clients: Other Threadbone Corporation companies and associates


Brief History: Founded in 2014, Threadbone Forensic Reconstructions [TFR] Ltd quickly established itself as the go-to company whenever less than sound commercial, business or technical practice [eg fraud, misappropriation, extortion, interception, spying, blackmail and embezzlement] is suspected and a quick pre-RDC-raid "spring-clean" is required. Deploying a variety of state-of-the-art technologies TFR's patent "deep-but-quick-fix" solutions can seamlessly add data to, or remove data from, pre-existing records to produce squeaky clean spreadsheets and other records 100% guaranteed to comply with HMRC regulations and robust enough to pass any otherwise embarrassing local authority spot checks. Fake digital signatures are a speciality.

The Impressive Entrance Sign [2016 photo]

Since 2016 TFR Ltd has also offered high performance digital imaging services capable of manipulating photographic evidence and removing all signs of wrong-doing [eg security camera footage, personal identification records or badly faked-photographs of - say - pimped Corporation Transport omnibuses]. TFR Ltd's deep-algorithm- based BS standard quality-assurance-mapping™ software ensures that digital ghost signatures - a residual artefact left by most rival software programmes - are completely erased and, as far as criminal records are concerned, absolutely "a thing of the past".

TFR gained national prominence in 2017 when the evidence it provided to defence lawyers Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone in the case of Yetminster Health and Safety Executive v Threadbone Mechanically Recovered Meat Industries Ltd, enabled the latter to "get completely off the hook" [pun intended] by proving that photographs of workers holding down large carcasses by lying on them as they raced towards a 20' bandsaw - evidence on which the prosecution had relied heavily - had been faked even when they hadn't. The case was dismissed by Mr Justice Lawless who told the Court that "the executives of Threadbone Mechanically Recovered Meat Industries Ltd leave without a stain on their characters and I only wish the same could be said for the overalls of their workers".

Celebrity Endorsements: Royston Binstock, Maestro Irina Legova, Ron Nasty [Sydling St Nicholas Sun Editor-in-Chief], Gordon Tanqueray, Polly Filla [The Threadbone Clinic [Geneva]], Major Marjorie Marjorie, Lady Garden, Officers of the Rhyme Intrinsica Conservative Association.

Block D, Unit 64, Professor Thrupiece House, Great Heaving, Dorset, United Kingdom [2020]. The lights are on but nobody is at home.

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