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#MeToo


Here then selections from the world's least unexpected correspondence following our publication of Adjunct Visiting Professor in Field Archeology at Alma Mater College, Cambridge, Dr Di Tekorist's revelation that Tarrant Gunville's Still Digging set her firmly on the path of her professional career.


Mrs Lavinia Spadentrowel writes:


"I also owe a life-long obsession with digging things up to a wiry-haired man I never met. His name was I think Handy Andy [my mother thought him so] and he sneaked in and out of our house more or less undetected whenever my father was away. I know he had something to do with digging, since my mother once remarked that "he knew his way around down there"..."


Mr Jonathan Damaged writes:


"My father - who I also never met - had wiry hair and smoked reefers. I don't dig things up as a result but believe I still count."


Ms Emily Mattress [suspended]


"Me too"


Lord Carnavon-Castle writes


"My great great grandfather was a friend and sponsor of Howard Threadboneham-Carter and I vaguely recollect my grandfather referring to his [Threadboneham-Carter's] wiry hair. Perhaps as a result of this, my great grandmother was a firm advocate of "digging for victory" during the Second World War". Does this count?"


Dr Hawthorn Straggleybeard writes


"As a former Chief Druid, I met many wiry-haired man with a penchant for digging things up during my time in office. Since that time, I have stopped all use of mood-altering substances [ecclesiastical incense excepted] and, as a result, I hardly ever meet wiry-haired men in reality or in trance. I do occasionally wake up in a sweat after dreaming I have just dug up my mother who is entombed with a man who is not my father, but I remind myself that I am in recovery and that all things pass".


Givve and Wee-Will Receive [Alma Mater College Donors]


"We firmly believe that all of the Fellows of Alma Mater College must have been influenced by but never met a wiry-haired man during their formative years since, every time any one of them writes to us they keep telling us "to dig deep" and give more. Their stamina and sheer persistence are astounding so it may be that the College has a resident but not obviously visible wiry-haired man who "tops them up" from time to time."



Are these wiry-haired men equally dangerous with or without social distancing? Some believe that the "baldy" might have less power over those prone to archaeological inclination than others.

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