Small Ads For Big Items

LARGE STOCK OF CONTRIK-69 COMPLIANT USED-ONLY-ONCE POLES FOR SALE. Genuine customers only. No trade inquiries, no sniffers.

OUR OFFER: Personally wiped by each previous individual user [each pole has an accompanying signed hygiene certificate and guarantee], these fully-sanitised, sturdy, all-chromium tubes are guaranteed virus-free, bio-hazard tested and glide-safe*. Suitable for home, office or club use. Fixings included, but screws at purchasers discretion and own-risk. [If you are married please secure the permission of "the other half" before committing to purchase.]

* because this is a used product a degree of natural staining is to be expected and [provided purchasers can get it out of their minds] should not impair overall performance. Any residual crusting should be treated with a sharp knife and a dab of Swarfega.

Adults inquiries only. Discounts apply on orders of 12 or more.

Also available:

Ms Kylie Rubbitcsz with some of the stockpile of used-only-once poles. :it seems big shame. Some poles only. rubbed once and with clean pee-pee and leg grip like mine, is self-clean no?"

Socially distanced exotic dancers: fully trained in both erotic manoeuvres and the latest cleansing protocols. Please note dancers are supplied on a sold-as-seen [12 metre distant low quality photographs available] basis [12 per container] within 72 hours [ships from Poland] and come in both pole- and lap- varieties - please specify; mixed assortment possible depending on season and availability. Other nationalities are also available to special order [please allow up to five weeks for delivery].

Purchasers of both "hardware" and "software" items are advised to invest in properly compliant anti-CONTRIK-69 spikes in case of a second/third/fourth .... wave.

All items are non-returnable.

For further details please contact Mrs Drusilla Parker-Knowles, c/o Stringfellows Ltd, Central Purchasing and Dispatch, Great Heaving Industrial Park, Great Heaving.

Stringfellows is an equal opportunity incubator.

All details correct at time of going to press. Terms and conditions apply. You must be over 18, broadminded, well-heeled and pretty desperate. Strictly NO MPs. Poles can be gone down as well as up. See worldwide interweb site for further legal disclaimers.

One of the Stringbonefellows' guarantees. But, with a strict no-returns policy are they worth the paper they are priinted on.