The following statement was issued from Legal City, Great Heaving by solicitors Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone on behalf of the umbrella companies known as the Threadbone Corporation and the thrupieceorganisation at 09.00 hours BST.
Amidst much speculation regarding the current and future status of the professorthrupiece.com blog, our various companies and organisations have remained resolutely silent. Those familiar with our modus operandi will be aware that it is our inviolate policy not to comment on speculation and rumour nor to give the wilder theories [conspiracy or otherwise] of our adversaries the oxygen of publicity. Rather like our beloved Royal Family - to whose leadership and stoic example [Harry and that woman excepted] we owe so much at this time of national crisis - we choose to stand above petty politics and distance ourselves completely from the more lurid fayre offered on a daily basis by an unprincipled and avaricious gutter press. We take the unusual step of issuing a public statement today simply to set the record straight and to assure those for whom we remain an iconic beacon of respectability that all is well and functioning normally in all parts of the corporate multinational entities known throughout the civilized world as Threadbone Corporation and the thrupieceorganisation.
Turning to the so-called "silence" regarding the professorthrupiece.com blog and the ill-informed and frankly sickening articles purporting to "explain" it, we wish it to be known:
That any silence on our part was carefully and judiciously planned to allow all parts of the several organisations for which the blog is a respected mouthpiece to come to terms with the new realities of armed police-enforced, self-isolating, socially-distanced lockdown.
That the temporary - and at all times - purposeful hiatus was always seen as an opportunity to develop smart technological ways to improve both the safety and utility of the professorthrupiece.com blog for the longer term.
That as a direct result of the pause in our activities we have been able to re-allocate non-furloughed staff [thanks to the Treasury for saving us millions by the way] to the vital task of developing a responsible socially-distanced blog format which ensures that no word is within 2 picas of another.
We are, therefore, delighted to announce that Threadbone SpacedBlog™, a self-isolating, socially-distanced font and text-based layout system developed by innovative wizards at the Thrupiece Press, will ensure not only the welcome re-appearance of a regular socially-responsible socially-distanced public-safety ensured professorthrupiece.com blog but also an orderly, legal and fully CONTRK-69-compliant return to work for most members of the professorthrupiece.com blog team.
An example of the new text can be seen below: [Readers should note that, though this means the new style blog will occupy more space, there will be no increase in their subscription costs or Threadbone dial-up narrowband service fees.]
Welcome back to the exciting world of the professorthrupiece.com blog . We can't wait to bring you more of the news , stories and articles you love . Watch this space !
Now please disinfect your keyboard and wash your hands.