As temperatures, as well as tempers, continue to rise across the county, Dorset authorities have warned hard-working, tax-paying, law-abiding families to brace themselves for a series of crippling disruptions as furious workers plan a series of "wholly unnecessary, completely irresponsible and absolutely unjustifiable" strikes designed to bring both economy and society its knees.
Protesting against [a] planned modernisation ["redundancies"] in the transport sector, [b] less-than inflation pay-rises, [c] the war in the Ukraine, [d] post-Drexit border controls, [e] local government corruption, [f] soaring temperatures, [g] planned roadworks in the Chetnole district, [h] global warming, [i] global capitalism, [j] parochialism, [k] nepotism, [l] racism [m] reduced hours at the Friars Cliff community creche, [n] sexual harassment, [o] LGBTQ+ discrimination [p] VAT on "women's intimates", [q] the end of home [non]working in the public sector, [r] changes to the bus pass qualification age, [s] frequent vending machine breakdowns at the Corfe Mullen public transport network hub, [t] the 1868 salt, blubber and dubbin import tax, [u] hospital waiting times, [v] the absence of company-endorsed parties in the private sector during CONTRIK-69 lockdowns [w] pollarding in Branksome Woods, [x] fly-tipping in Melbury Bubb [y] late night [non]flights from Charleton Marshall International Airport, [z] unsocial hours, [z+] "other people" [z++], the DHRA by-elections, [z+++] the "the whole sodding mess", the "Fuck the System Feed the Poor" - "Distinction Rebellion" - Anti-Facist - "Animal Lives Matter" - "Stop the Compton Abbas Re-enactment Society Summer Pageant" - Dorset TUC Alliance claims it can inflict unprecedented chaos on the county and bring normal life to "a complete standstill".
However, set against a background of systemic breakdowns, rising inflation, staff, food, fuel and other shortages, administrative and public services paralysis together with the 'universally accepted fact that "nothing works" anymore', Dorset authorities say that the planned action is likely to go "almost unnoticed" by the general public. Asked if there were any plans to meet with the protesters, a spokesperson for the Combined Greater Dorset Authorities - Arbie Trayshon - said; "we see neither the need, nor the point. It's all going to hell in a handcart anyway, so they might as well just bring it on". Leader of the protest Mick Lynch-Mobb said in an interview with Dorset Radio 4's breakfast show Morning County [formerly Good Morning County]. "The authorities think this is a joke, but I'll show them who's the comedian here. Did you hear the one about the two nuns and the bar of soap ...".
The protests are set to continue until 2046.