Tallulla Might Signals Hard Drexit
Long Bredy Parish Council Chairwoman and Dorset negotiating team leader Tallulla Might today outlined in the starkest terms the basis on which she would be leading discussions to take Dorset out of the West Country Association of West Country Associations. She concluded chillingly by insisting that "No deal for Dorset is better than a deal for Dorset that is worse than no deal for Dorset".
Conceding that the hitherto oft-repeated mantra "Drexit might in certain circumstances mean Drexit", Mrs Might put flesh on the bones of the Drexit case by outlining her six point plan:
Dorset will leave the Single Supermarket (thereby freeing the Threadbone Extra chain and orinoco online to increase their monopoly positions)
Dorset will leave the Unaccustomed-As-I-Am Union (thereby allowing Dorset officials to address non-West Country-based meetings in any manner of their choosing)
There will be an end to participation in the Social Chapter including those parts governing the DHRA, Dorset Boy Scouts Association and any other association with "a social inclination and/or a questionable membership ritual"
There will be an end to the jurisdiction of the All Dorset Supreme Court and Juliette Estranged will be allowed to leave the Somerset Tourist Board Waiting Room
There will be an immediate tariff on Clotted Cream originating in other West Country areas together with a "handling fee" for all clotted-cream based products passing through the Dorset area
Emigration from Hinton St Mary will be reduced to single figures.
Business leader and chairwoman of the pressure group "Make Might Mightier Yet" Mrs Amanda J Threadbone welcomed clarification of the Drexit aims and said that she believed businesses would be encouraged as well. "I welcome clarification of the the Drexit aims and believe businesses will be encouraged as well", she said.
However, former top Drexit official Sir Ivor Notherjob-Togo-To who recently resigned from the negotiating panel in a row over his "miserly" Crown Magna food and accommodation allowance, reacted strongly to the news as did West Dorset County Association's Commission Chairman Wim Smug-Bastard. "Mrs Might, might but then again she might not. It takes 28 to tango", Mr Smug-Bastard said. Asked if Mrs Might might have better luck under a different name, he commented tersely, "She might". Leader of the Long Bredy Liberal Democrats Timothy Farron-Tit also said something, but reporters failed to listen.