Postcard May Be Intriguing Clue to Celebrity Businesswoman's Whereabouts
A teasing postcard bearing almost identical images of Great Heaving and Zakynthos may be a vital clue in tracing the whereabouts of missing Dorset Businesswoman of the Year (2005-14, 2016) Mrs Amanda J Threadbone. Received at the Great Heaving Headquarters of the Threadbone Corporation, the card - which has come into the possession of the Chalbury Sentinel's Foreign Affairs Editor Ovē Cees - bears a Greek Stamp and "smells of moussaka" which leads him to conclude that "the sender may have been in Greece when it was posted or at the very least the environs of the Eastern Mediterranean." "Alternatively", he speculated, "it may have been posted in Dorset by someone who had recently eaten at the Athena Taverna, Broadstone and has access to Greek postage stamps - possibly a hungry philatelist. Either way there's some kind of Greek as well as Dorset connection."
Forensic experts at the internationally renowned Threadbone Laboratories have also detected the presence of a letter "C" at the bottom of the postcard as well as a reference to "Manuel". "These may be significant" conceded Laboratory Head Mr Anonymous Scientist. "The Manuel in question could well be Mrs Threadbone's new PA and Personal Fitness Trainer Manuel da Curación-Palmas, whilst the C could either be Courtney-Cocks Sizemore (the language and sentence construction lends credence to this conjecture) or, just as likely, the Chief of the Intelligence Service (MI6). I really wouldn't like to say which".
Whatever the origin of the card and whoever the author, one thing is clear: Mrs T is well. Her many admirers will hope this reference is indeed to the still eerily silent Mrs Threadbone and not the equally silent and late Mrs Thatcher, "though the undated nature of the postcard does not allow that possibility to be ruled out entirely", Mr Scientist added*
*It is possible Mr Anonymous Scientist is not a person's name but rather the deliberately anodyne title given to an unidentified author of the Forensic Report - either is plausible [ed].
The arrival of this intriguing postcard at the Great Heaving Headquarters of the Threadbone Corporation has settled some and disturbed others. Mrs Threadbone had been thought to be in Mykonos, though Zakynthos is now the bookies favourite (7/1 on with Dorset Casino. [Terms and Conditions apply. Bet Unsafely. "When the fun stops .. keep going!"]).