Ever since actress [Hmm! [Ed]] Jemila Clarke-Shoes - the female thespian [Better! [Ed]] engaged to play Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore in Naked Abstraction the new thrupiecefilm biopic about the early life of the Dorset authoress, television celebrity and former horizontal jogging partner of Professor Brian Thrupiece - spoke out about how she was required to strip naked for several scenes in the film, speculation has been rife regarding the location of "a private birthmark" referred to in her interview and located "somewhere" about her delightful person. Indeed so great is the "public interest" in the matter [Doubtful [Ed]] that professorthrupiece.com understands, a crack investigative team [no pun intended] has been hired by the Sydling St Nicholas Sun with the sole object of determining this fascinating object's size, position and topographical accuracy*.
* NB Under the terms of the DFIA [Dorest Freedom of Information] Act, The Dorset Information Commissioner specifically distinguishes between the Public Interest and that which is of interest to the public in the following terms: The public interest means the public good - as distinct from what is of interest to the public or the private interests of the requester. Any reasonable court - ie assuming Mr Justice Blindside is not sitting - is likely to rule Ms Clarke-Shoes' birthmark as falling into either of the latter two categories and certainly not the first.
Awareness of Ms Clarke-Shoes self-confessed "distinguishing feature" [rumoured to resemble a small map of Cyprus] came about as a result of her revelation to Dorset Film Monthly that in order to film one particular sequence, she was required to fly to Switzerland for a scene in which she had artfully to drop a Hotel Cornavin luxury-weave seamless double-layer bath-towel before plunging into a Swiss-designed body-form ergonomic tub. She has hitherto declined to offer any further details regarding this highly distinctive dermal characteristic save to say that Mr Jason Stourpaine has seen it "up close and personal" and is, in consequence, a big fan.
Readers of yesterday's Mappowder Mirror [not to mention Mr Ron Nasty, editor of the Sydling St Nicholas Sun] will have been intrigued to see that the paper's Beauty Correspondent Eppie Dermis has scooped the story and exclusively reveals that Ms Clark-Shoes' "feature of special interest" is on her right buttock not a million miles from the cleft. Ms Dermis also confirms - though the basis for her statement is unclear - that "it is definitely a birthmark and not a removed tattoo, even though former boyfriend Costas Souvlaki did once work at the Kleftiko Restaurant in Greek Street, Church Knowle where he was i/c the grilled haloumi".
Ms CLarke-Shoes was unavailable for comment.
Those pictures in full
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