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Orinoco To Pioneer New Delivery Methods

Conscious that several of rival suppliers are exploring innovative ways of delivering goods to their customers - by drone, driverless vehicle and even teleportation - internet retail giant orinoco are trying to steal a march.

Though rather hush-hush, news is leaking out of orinoco HQ in Great Heaving that two different methods are being trialled simultaneously to see which provides the more efficient and reliable service.

DELIVERY SYSTEM ONE [Canipost] uses highly trained homing dogs capable of carrying up to two parcels at a time to almost any location in the UK.

DELIVERY SYSTEM TWO [Aquapost] uses specially designed narrow boats which float along custom designed channels [or canals™] and is capable of delivering up to 3,000 parcels simultaneously to six different locations in the UK.

Head of Transport Operations, Manny Routes admitted that both systems were still at a conceptual stage but predicted that, once certain obvious teething problems and limitations had been overcome, either method could prove "radically successful" in the future. Canipost currently suffers from "distance limitations, poor navigation, parcel insecurity and a tendency for edible orders to be consumed in transit" Mr Routes explained, "whilst Aquapost, though perfect for those ordering large quantities and living within 10 meters of the Grand Union Canal, will not be ideal for those living in central Milton Keynes."

"It's a matter of swings and roundabouts between the two systems" orinoco Chief Marketing Strategist Torsten Impulse-Byer explained. " Whilst neither is ultrafast [average delivery time over 100 miles = 3 weeks 2 days 8 hours] we believe both offer bio-ethically sustainable solutions at a time of climate change". "Though the dogs are a bugger to park at night", he added.

Neither service is expected to be fully operational before 2026. Trials continue.

Just one of the new methods of delivery being trialled by orinoco

Just one of the new methods of delivery being trialled by orinoco as the company searches for new ways to satisfy its customers.

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