Lucky subscribers to the Threadbone Extra Loyalty Card Scheme who are already entitled to a 0.001% saving on all Threadbone Extra purchases can today claim a free car bumper sticker when they fill up with at least 60 litres of fuel at the outlet's petrol stations.
Managing Director Lorne Greene Grocer hailed the scheme as a triumph for marketing and a triumph for loyal customers adding that "demand for the stickers is likely to be such that more than 250 have been printed".
Market analysts who have argued that the Threadbone Extra Chain had been seriously chastened by the recent failure of its Threadshield Stamp Scheme (one stamp - worth approximately 0.0001 Dorset bitcoins - was issued for every £5 spent in store) were surprised by the unexpected launch of the new scheme so soon after the quiet withdrawl of the last.
"The new scheme incorporates all the lessons we have learned based on years of "big number" market analysis. For example, the stamp scheme required individuals to lick the stamp to activate the glue layer, whereas the bumper stickers work through an ingenious plastic-static-glass bond based on cutting edge Threadbone Laboratory technology". Customers acquiring the stickers have only to peel off the protective coating and apply the sticker to a clean non-porous surface.
Reports of extensive queues outside the Threadbone Extra Over Compton suggested that the Company's optimism is very well-founded though Dorset Police later confirmed that unusual traffic congestion in the area was the result of a burst water main in Church Lane. Local vicar The Very Revd Jen Uflecture agreed that the leakage had been disruptive. "It's a bally nuisance", he blasphemed, " I was just on my way to get a bumper sticker for the play group play bus". "Now I am not sure if I will be able to get one and the children will be most disappointed." Told of the Vicar's predicament, a Threadbone extra spokesperson was sympathetic: "It's a shame but he will just have to queue like the rest of them.As our founder and inspiration Mrs Threadbone always says: making exceptions is usually a sign of weakness."
That sticker in full here.
The new and much sought-after Car Bumper Sticker modelled at the launch of the Threadbone Extra's Loyalty Card Scheme on a restored vintage Lambretta once owned by the late Mr Threadbone. [The Postillion bears authentic scratches gouged by the fingernails of Enrique in what Herston Magistrates Court heard was "a moment of rapture".]