In a move characteristic of the Threadbone Corporation under the dynamic leadership of Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, the corporate giant today emerged with all guns blazing following the recent row over its Threadboneless fruit-based dietary products advertising campaign.
Employing the same agency for its rebrand of the Threadboneleisure chain's Hotel and Spa Experience Group, the Company today took out full page advertisements in the high profile South-Central and North-North-East Central Dorset Life Magazine as well as a sheaf of local papers including The Corfe Castle Courier, Hinton Martell Evening Post, Mappowder Mercury, Pokesdown Post and The Great Heaving Gazette.
Deploying the now familiar tactic of mixing sexual allure with glossy graphics in an attempt to stimulate lifestyle aspiration amongst the emotionally fragile and tragically needy, the Corporation has moved decisively towards the younger end of the lucrative leisure market. "Focus groups have told us with reasonable consistency that the wannabe late teens and twenties are not attracted to facilities offering secure prosthetic lockers, Horlicks Shakes and mobility vehicle recharging points", offered The Sex Sells Agency spokesperson Minnie Thonge, "so we have rennovated, refreshed and rebranded in the hope we can attract the disaffected 20-32 cohort: in particular overweight women with thunder thighs and a need to attend to their personal hygiene. We feel that by offering a one-stop cleansing and renewing facility we can put back that missing spark and - who knows - make them feel good enough about themselves to keep coming back again and again and again." "I completely understand their predicament and can empathise totally" , said the attractive bikini-clad 22 year-old Ms Thonge (34, 22, 24) speaking "poolside" at the 12 bedroom mansion she shares with fiancé David "Becks" Beckwell, rising Rampisham Rovers football ace.
Sources close to Mrs Threadbone were not slow to make it known that Mrs Threadbone had personally approved the new campaign describing it as "assertively positive, agressively ethical and one in the eye for the faint-hearted". "We may forgive", she is said to have told fellow Board members, "but we never forget. Now get out".
The Rebrand of Threadboneleisure's Hotel and Spa brand is likely to prove just as divisive at its recent rebrand of the Threadboneless Fruit-based Dietary Programme. The advertisement appeared in several Dorset publications today.