The Threadbone Corporation's Threadboneleisure Division has today upped the ante in its fierce competition with other gym and fitness providers by launching a no-holds barred, gloves-off, hard-hitting, state-of-the-art, high-wire, hard-grind, sucker punch video directed by leading Thrupiecefilm director and Celtic cinematographer Cy Na' Matt O'Graph.
Designed to "knock the competition out of the park" it follows on from the now infamous newspaper campaign about which Dorset Trading Standards received more than one complaint. Defiant as ever, Threadbone Leisure chiefs have authorised publicists - The Sex Sells Agency - to "fight on" and vowed to "to punch above our considerable weight" in promoting "a feel good lifestyle that empowers the threadboneleisure chain to continue extracting cash from the susceptible on an upper quartile commercial scale", a spokesperson for the Company said today. "We feel that anyone watching the video will feel moved to get off their fat ass and, as the video says "JUST DO IT!" by which we mean sign up and register your credit card details", Ms Ju Jitsu added.
Threadboneleisure Facility, Bookham
Asked if the programme guaranteed results, Ms Jitsu declined to be pressed. "Put it this way", she said" for only £80 per month for 4 sessions you get admission to an environment in which there are lots of sweaty men wearing few clothes. That has to be a bargain in anyone's books. As for getting fitter - well that's an unlooked for bonus. Most of our customers are just glad to get out of the house and into mixed company".
Asked whether she thought the video might give a misleading impression of the kind of men and women the average Threadboneleisure customer was likely to meet at the gym and whether such customers might themselves aim to emulate those depicted in the advertisement, Ms Jitsu added "For goodness sake we are in the aspiration business. Do you imagine for one moment that if we showed actual customers we would get anyone to join? You people! Get real."
The Threadboneleisure video as aired on Thrupiecemedia's Digital Television Platform. Executives are unrepentant and the hard-hitting campaign is set to last for days.