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New Menus Announced at Threadmills Fitness

Threadmills - the affirmative action fitness and exercise club specially designed with women in mind - has announced its 2017 menu and its packed with thrupiecediet™ goodness. The menu which, followed in conjunction with the exacting fitnessthethreadboneway™ regimes practiced at the clubs, is guaranteed to lead to nutrition-free weight loss, will be introduced in to all branches of the chain from 1 May 2017.

Threadmills spokesperson and Danish fitness guru Ergs Kalori stressed that the new menu has been designed by Threadbone Laboratory technicians with an eye on minimising intake rather than maximising flavour and agreed that the Puy Lentil Bake was "as disappointing on the tongue as it is on the eye" She privately admitted it looked "like a turd that can't quite hold itself together" but added that anyone judging it by these conventional standards was entirely missing the point.

Most of the larger outlets offer a full range menu and a staggering range of keep fit equipment - from the pools saunas and jacuzzis, through weights rooms, exercise areas and bicycle, rowing machine workshops through to the clubs signature treadmill machines. Smaller outlets offer a floor mat and running cold water.

Threadmills is part of a general rebranding of Threadbone Leisure and Spa Division of The Threadbone Corporation. Speaking for the Corporation, Mrs Amanda J Threadbone denied it was a cynical exercise in marketing: "All marketing is cynical" she said, "but some is more cynical than others. We are on the non-cynical end of the spectrum".

Threadmills the Affirmative Action Fitness Club: Mrs Threadbone denies cynicism in the Group's advertising campaign.

Threadmills the "Affirmative Action Fitness Club": Mrs Threadbone denies cynicism in the Group's advertising campaign.

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