A local beachcomber - known to the authorities as "Crazy Dave" - claims to have seen an alien space ship land on a local Dorset beach according to reports in last weekend's Alton Pancras Sunday Mercury.
The man - who's full name is said to be David Fibber - reported his sightings to the local police "shortly after he sobered up" on 12th June. Admitting that he had "been on a bit of a bender after I had collected my Post Office money a few days before" , he nevertheless insisted that he had not only seen the craft land ("it came out of the sky like a burning fiery chariot sent from God and soft landed on the beach like a fat frizbee") but had witnessed a small green man descending from it. Asked for further details, he could recall only that the alien had said "take me to your leader" and had later introduced himself as Snurg from the planet Leghumper IV. After that "it was all a blur". Mr Fibber added that further proof of his extraordinary encounter was "a massive headache and feelings of nausea when I woke up in the dunes the next day". He was adamant that this was "obviously the result of alien contamination and possibly localised teleportation and nothing to do with my intake over the previous four days".
A sceptical Police Sergeant H E S Avenue-On of the Great Heaving Constabulary was unsure of the veracity of Mr Fibber's account. "I'm not saying he imagined it all", he said, "but he does have form. Last year he claimed to have seen Margaret Beckett on a broomstick and wearing only a flimsy Vote Labour neglige. The jury's still out on that one."
Meanwhile local UFO watcher Del Usuonel had conducted a full recce of the scene using his recently purchased Maplin Super-Gnat Mini-Drone and had sold several photographs to the Alton Pancras Mercury. "If you look closely, you can see the crater and the craft and what appears to be a little green man." "I believe a higher resolution camera would have revealed the name tag on his spacesuit and definitively established his identity. With the eye of faith it looks a little like Snurf?"
Holidaymakers Dent and Penelope War-Leggings were, like so many others, excited by the sightings. "It's usually so boring here, but this year there's a bit of something going on" Dent opined. "We were going to give it a miss but I'm quite glad we came", Penelope added. "We are so excited we've even considered resuming relations".
Reports in last weekend's Alton Pancras Sunday Mercury suggest that at least one alien craft landed on the beach near Great Heaving.
Comments