In a dramatic u-turn in the Mrs Threadbone in Greece saga, the Threadbone Corporation today issued a quadruple denial: flying in the face, it seems, of yesterday's categorical assurances regarding the whereabouts and wellbeing of the Corporation's charismatic CEO. In a statement issued from its Great Heaving Headquarters at 22.30 BST today, Corporation spokesperson Annie Volte-Fass said:
"On behalf of the Threadbone Corporation, Crown Magna Spa and Leisure and Mrs Amanda J Threadbone I wish to make it clear that [a] Crown Magna's Mykonos Beach Hotel neither encourages not permits nudity of any kind on any of its premises (especially involving old people) and deplores any suggestion that it does; [b] Mrs Threadbone is not currently in Greece with or without her new PA and Personal Fitness Trainer Manuel da Curación-Palmas; [c] the photograph purporting to be of Mrs Threadbone or her stylist, Belinda Ward-Robe is in fact that of well known hotel lobby loiterer Courtney-Cocks Sizemore; and [d] the two couples depicted in yesterday's photograph have no association whatsoever with the Threadbone Corporation and are understood instead to be Latvian Table Tennis Association 2012 mixed doubles finalists Bronislavs & Nellija Sausins and Indrikis & Sanitas Ottosons. We trust this is the end of the matter."
However German media expert and former double-glazing fitter Jerry Bilde believes that this is far from "the end of the matter". "The statement poses many more qvestions than it answers", he said, "ver, for example, is Mrs Threadbone if not in Mykonos and vy has she been so silent. Vat was yesterday's statement from Konstantínos Níma Ostón all about if not clear misdirection and ver do the Sausins and Ottosons keep their balls when not in play?"
Investigative reporters for the Corscombe Racing Post are understood to have uncovered a further intriguing link: the Latvian Table Tennis Association's 2012 Mixed Doubles Championships was sponsored by none other than ... Crown Magna Hotel and Spa. Watch this space!
The Latvian Table Tennis Association's 2012 Mixed Doubles Championship was held in Liepaja and was won by Indrikis & Sanitas Ottosons who did not feature in the promotional poster