Spreading the Love: When Bread and Butter Is Your Bread and Butter


In what is believed to be an immediate dividend from the work of Ms Audrey Badminton-Court 's Retrospective Thrupiece Technical Audit announced at the recent Threadtech 2017 Conference, sources close the Great Heaving Corporation have confirmed that Threadbone Laboratories are set to recommence industrial-scale production of Threadispread - the pioneer pre-"buttered" sliced bread: a convenience food first launched in the USA in 1951. Threadispread was manufactured under license from the Thrupiece Company by the Ohio Petro-chemical Corporation between 1951 and 1953. Production ended when the FDA ordered that the Dayton factory be closed down for undisclosed reasons; though reports of 24 cases of poisoning within a 2 mile radius of the factory may have been a contributing factor. An out-of-court settlement followed.

Developed in the late 1940s by the young (and not yet Professor!) Thrupiece in the same Batcombe workshop which witnessed the development of methane-based rocket fuel and proto- (later thrupiecediet-) fluff, Threadispread was developed as result of the young man's preoccupation with both labour-saving devices (his mother was "very forward thinking when it came to electrical knick-knacks") and the complete absence of any animal or vegetable fats in ration-dominated post-war Britain. [In Volume 2 of The Thrupiece Diaries - "There Won't Be Jam For Tea Young Man" (Threadbone Press, 2011 currently out of print) the young Professor Thrupiece notes: "Jan 5; 5pm, Batcombe (of course!) Some sort of bread for tea with no jam and no butter and no margarine. Mother suggested I try lawn-mower oil, but Father had used the last for shaving. Very unlikely I shall experience proper farinaceous lubricant at any point in the next 10 years, so will have to turn my mind to non-organic alternatives. Might see if something can be made of the plentiful pre-Cambrian rock deposits hereabouts and, whilst I am at it I, might as well see if I can revolutionise current ante-deluvian delivery mechanisms and make it available in pre-spread form. The Americans might go for that - they love a gimmick. Read Roy of the Rovers this afternoon - he might be able to kick a ball but he's very basic in the ethics department - probably make a good future FIFA President. Edna had a whole Fry's Five-Boys and didn't give me a single piece. Bitch!".]

Further set-backs in the USA (support from the Seventh-day Adventist Church as well as opposition from the National Rifle Association chief amongst them) doomed Threadispread to an early demise but the powers that be in Great Heaving believe it is a product which has once again found its time and executives are gearing up for high-impact market penetration. Head of Theadispread marketing Patina Sans-Cutlery notes "Women are busier than ever these days trying to hold down a steady man whilst meeting their job commitments - sorry that came out wrong - trying to hold down their jobs whilst meeting their family commitments - and anything that makes life easier is bound to go down well. Just think of the effort of taking a pack of butter or margarine out of the fridge, finding the bread in the bread bin and then assembling them with the aid of horizontal wooden surfaces and hand-held metal knife technologies - it's Victorian engineering requiring Edwardian skills (Ms Sans-Cutlery has a degree in Simplified History from the Thrupiece Open College). I mean if you invented it now people would laugh. Threadispread, however, is preformed and contains no natural products of any description - so it never goes off - ever ... it just sits around in the cupboard... like forever."

Threadispread is set to hit the shelves very soon once the marketeers have decided how best to emphasise its tried and tested formulae whilst disguising its shady quasi-regulatory past. Dorset Casino is quoting 5/1 on Richard an Judy fronting the Campaign: "He looks suitably oily and she ... well ... she just spreads doesn't she? They're perfect."

NOTE: The original name Threadispread was a combination of the Professor's name and the words "Ready" and "Spread"; it is merely a "happy coincidence" (Patina Sans-Cutlery) that the portmanteau would now seem to suggest a combination of "Threadbone" and "spread". "Some things are just meant to be", she added philosophically.

That vintage poster downloadable HERE

To protect the public from itself, the picture of Richard and Judy is not available to download


Threadbone Corporation Executives are hopeful that Threadispread's troubled past will not mean a difficult future.

Threadbone Corporation Executives are hopeful that Threadispread's troubled past will not mean a difficult future. ABOVE: The original advertising in the USA in 1951 was a model of its kind and led to rapid adoption. Eagle-eyed readers will recognise a young Gwendolyn Badminton Court (mother of Audrey) opening the fridge door. The child went on to be the well-known pianist and "entertainer" Winifred Atwell. BELOW concept images for the new campaign proving - if proof were needed - that CGI and a large marketing budget are not the guarantee of improvement some believe. Here, the famous celebrity duo Richard and Judy "discuss" the benefits of Threadispread with health guru Trixie Ayre-Hedd. Judy is styled by Miss Take; Richard by Richard-by-Richard.


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