French Egyptologists working in collaboration with Threadbone Observatory Scientists believe they may have found the critical key which will enable them finally to unlock the ancient mystery which continues to surround the building and purpose of the three great pyramids of Giza and, in particular, that of the largest: the Pyramid of Cheops (Khufu).
Pyramidologists as well as legitimate archeologists and Egyptologists have long believed that the pyramids represent more than simply large monumental structures, arguing that they lie at the heart of Egyptian cosmology and political state building and that they served important ritual, ceremonial and even astronomical purposes. More than twenty years ago the theories of Gillette and Bovril linked structures internal to the largest of the pyramids - in particular the thin shafts which connect the interior to the exterior - with ceremonies of birth and rebirth linked to the seasonal disappearance and reappearance of important stars in the night sky. These theories in turn led them to conclude that the geography of pyramid location constituted a representation on earth of the celestial heavens: a believe system made concrete for a population in thrall to its gods.
Where it now seems the theorists may have been in error is in linking the pyramids - as "astronomical observatories" - to the Egyptian deities, Osiris and Isis as well as to the sun gods Amun and Aten. Extensive recalculations by Threadbone Observatory Scientists Tele Skope and Clara Knight-Syke have suggested that projection from the main southern shaft of the Great Pyramid would have extended not to Orion's Belt as originally thought, but far deeper into space to the important and newly-discovered constellation Bomerich 3656543124; recently renamed Thrupiece 8. The constellation was named in honour of famous Culinary Bio-ethicist and amateur astronomer Professor (Sir) Brian Thrupiece, whose untimely demise in a Swiss hotel bedroom left the world in shock in 2005.
Does this mean that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the Professor in some strange act of historical pre-figurement? Professor Skope and Dr Knight-Skye believe this to be unlikely since the pyramids were built more than 4080 years before the Professor's birth. "Short of the Professor having been reincarnated multiple times [a possibility not ruled out entirely by Pyramidologists Pierre and Fifi du Lally] we are ruling out a direct link; but this is not to say there might not be a connection of some sort. The fact that the shaft projects to a constellation (apparently) unknown to mankind until a few years ago and that it just happens to be the one associated with the world's leading cultural bio-ethicist cannot be dismissed out of hand or as a matter of pure coincidence. Something is going on here - for example, the Egyptians were famous for their ethically-sourced sustainable honey - and we mean to find out what." Professor Skope adds, "Provided Drexit doesn't completely scupper our EU grant status, we intend to continue to use up €58 million close-collaborative-research monies in our joint project with The University of Ghent's Tractor Automotive Programme to get to the bottom of it". Egyptologists at the Britiosh Museum declined to comment on the new findings - "We're making a programme about dinosaurs for Blue Peter at the moment and will deal with this when we have time", a spokesperson said. Watch this space.
Threadbone Laboratory Scientist Professor Tele Skope and Dr Clara Knight-Skye believe that their new calculations will change our view of ancient Egyptian cosmology