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Degrees of Separation?


The Vice-Chancellor and Senior Staff Members of Corscombe University were at pains to distance themselves today from a Christmas message purporting to come from the Chancellor - Mrs Amanda J Threadbone.

The "bogus" card which illustrates students on the MPhil in Advanced Shopping programme practicing for Christmas at the University's new Threadington Retail Facility (Research Campus) also bears a message from the Chancellor whose Supermarket chain Threadbone Extra owns and operates all of the retail outlets on the Threadington site.

"This is the work of disgruntled rival", Vice-Chancellor and Head of Marketing Opportunities Todd Backe-Doore said, pointing the finger at the owners of the Baldi and Lotl supermarket chains which, he confirmed, had not been invited to bid to operate the Campus stores. The contract had instead gone to Threadbone Extra - "the only viable player and one we know well and have worked with before". Was the Chancellor herself involved in the decision making? "Only in her capacities as Chancellor and CEO of the Threadbone Extra Chain", he confirmed. "otherwise it was a blind process ie the blind leading the blind." "This is the way the University likes to operate these days - we are an ancient foundation so we call it our modus operandi", he added.

The Threadington Campus is the University of Corscombe's latest venture - an architectural homage to post-war Eastern European People's Housing by famed architect Stalag Luft III. It stands just outside the Corscombe Greater Metropolitan limits.

Advanced Shopping MPhil student "Sammy" Obiang-Nguema-Mbasogo-Rakotoarimanana Rajaonarimampianina was amongst those who posed for the picture. "I think I was chosen because I had a nice winter coat and distinguished myself in the Buying Offline without a Credit Card Module. It's one of the trickier options for younger students as it involves actual cash and mental arithmetic. But an advanced degree is supposed to be challenging I suppose and I suppose that's why they set us these difficult challenges".

Course Tutor Professor Tenappeny agreed: "People flock from all over the world to shop at our Threadington Retail Facility - that's why we provide state of the art tills at the checkout".*

Spring Cabbage is on offer at 2 for £1.50 until 8th December; Rock Salmon £18 per lb whilst stocks last. Degrees from £37,000 available in season October - July.

*Professor Tenapenny's statement was later modified to read: "Gifted students are carefully selected from all over the world to study at our Threadington Research Campus - that's why we provide state of the art teaching".


Trade in degrees is brisk at the University of Corscombe's Threadbone Extra outlet on its new Threadington Retail Facility Campus.

Trade in degrees is brisk at the University of Corscombe's Threadbone Extra outlet on its new Threadington Retail Facility Campus.


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