Fans of Dorset Threadbone Corporation League Division 4 Todber United are unhappy today after the Club unveiled its new team badge. Produced by Frome St Quintin-based corporate identity and design experts Designs'R'Us, the badge has taken two years to create and is based on "extensive consultation" within and without the Club. "We asked the fans what they wanted" explained Designs'R'Us Managing Director Nigel Courtauld-Institute "and then took those views to the owners". "They told us to ignore them and do as we were told."
The result says Designs'R'Us General Panjandrum Richard Loewe-Tekk is something the Russian owners are very happy with, combining as it does a touch of Soviet Realism with a strong sense of traditional Dorset feminism. "It's fire and ice", Mr Courtauld-Institute added, "testosterone and oestrogen, football and shopping. It appeals to absolutely everyone." So is it sexist? "No just thoughtless" Mr Loewe-Tekk admitted.
Fans, however, are far from convinced: "It's fookin shite" local University Lecturer Ambrose Farquahar reasoned; whilst 16 year-old Threadbone Extra checkout assistant Beyonce-Ariana Knotvery-Grande added "I think it's fallen some way short of the highest standards we expect from a well-respected design team and probably better represents the image of the club the new owners wish to project rather than the Club's traditional and wholly ingrained values respect for which we the fans believe is fundamental to the future of this once great club".
So does anyone approve of the new badge? "Yes I am loving him" volunteered self-professed neutral Yuri Grigorovich Anatoli Vedernikov, "is beautiful and very great gift from owners who is beautiful peoples too. As great Tolstoy say: 'All happy fans is happy in same way, unhappy fans is unhappy in different way and not nice to nice owners' ".
A petition signed by more than a dozen fans (13) has been posted to United's Thrupiece Road ground, though Director of Operations Andrei Stasi declined to confirm its receipt. "It may take time, but fans will come to see it our way in the long run", he told Todber Evening Post reporter Tod Evening Post, "don't get me wrong ... we take the fan's views very seriously before we ignore them. But in the end you have to ask who does this club belong to? The loyal masses who turn up every week and buy tickets with their hard earned cash or the overseas money-launderers who are here today and gone tomorrow? I mean ... Seriously".
DOWNLOAD THAT CONTROVERSIAL BADGE HERE
The new Todber United badge is not universally popular though is likely to stay says Andrei Stasi the Club's Director of Operations. Owner Vladimir Putni was unavailable