A Doctor Writes IV ...


As a doctor I am often asked: "Why are medical dramas so popular with the reading public and are they true to life?" Such questions are not easy to answer given the average IQ of those who ask such questions and read such books, but, in simple terms, my response is "Because they are" and "Not remotely"

Living with a Medical Drama

Anyone living with a significant collection of Medical Dramas (say more than 3) is already a long way down a slippery slope and in medical terms there may be little that can be done for them. Containment is more realistic than rehabilitation at this stage and anyone who believes thy might be subject to this debilitating condition is advised to invest in a strong (preferably lockable) bookcase and to remove all reading glasses from the home. Extinguishing lights at night may help discourage indiscriminate reading, but little can be done during the day short of drawing the curtains and wearing a thick mask. Worried relatives may be tempted to try to dilute the condition by introducing the patient to other genres of crime/romance fiction (say Scandinoir or even French imports) but such measures often do more harm than good by lowering the patient's intelligence even further; thus rendering future decision-making otiose at best.

Will It affect my Letterbox?

Only if the volumes in question are purchased on line and scheduled for home delivery

Should I contact my GP?

In no circumstances. Your GP is unlikely to be very sympathetic. This is a self-inflicted condition resulting from poor decision-making and overstretched NHS resources cannot reasonably be diverted to tending the indigent, importunate and feckless. In any event you GP will be busy planning his or her summer break and may even be visiting a travel agent of choice. Interrupting your family practitioner when he or she is engaged on such important business is likely to be counterproductive and may induce ADS [Appointments Delay Syndrome] and almost certainly IRS [Irritable Receptionist Syndrome].

Postscript

Many patients living with Medical Drama Issues may be tempted to purchase a television as part of a programme of respite care. In certain cases this may be advisable (you may wish to consult a trained Currys|PC World representative) but we recommend disabling ITV3 immediately after purchase and avoiding BBC1 between the hours of 00.00 and 23.59:59.


The dangers of reading Medical Dramas are plain for all to see.

The dangers of reading Medical Dramas are plain for all to see. CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: A young child already showing the effects of RMDS [Reading Medical Dramas Syndrome] including poor eyesight, social isolation and stubby fingers; reading in company is rare given the shame associated with the condition but when it occurs sufferers prefer to hide their faces; a lethal combination which has public health officials worried: a book, reading aids and a narcotic drink; an extreme case of RMDS coupled with MDRS [Medical Drama Retention Syndrome]: this child started with just one hospital story designed to allay a natural fear of doctors, but within months she couldn't be separated from a horrifying pile of the addictive materials.


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