Speaking at the Confederation of Dorset Industry's Annual Spring Conference in the magnificent new Chettle 03 Arena. Mrs Amanda J Threadbone CEO of the thrupieceorganisation, the Threadbone Corporation and (since January of this year) Non-Executive Chair of The Hornimint Company, has welcomed the "manifold and manifest opportunities for Dorset business" now available following a major breakthrough in Drexit negotiations yesterday.
Earlier in the conference Drexit Secretary Davis David (great-great-great-great grandson of Florentine beauty Statuof David) had announced to muted applause that he and Chief West Country Alliance negotiator Michael Even Barmier-than-Therest had struck a wide ranging-deal which would see Dorset regain control of some of its borders, part of its coastline and several major urban conurbations with special arrangements for scones, 4oz clotted-cream and other key products (artisan pottery, "Not-Cornish" Pasties, non-fruit hampers, hand made soap, kindling and some souvenirs (when sold "to extra-county visitors and in resort")). Agreement over a transition period for Bramley apples, unpasteurised cider and "several" types of indigenous cheese (excluding Dorsetshire Blue) have yet to be finalised, leaving some rural MPs unhappy. "Some are unhappy" said a representative of some rural MPs who wished to remain nameless. Pressed for details the representative would add only that "I can confirm that some rural MPs are unhappy". Did that mean others were happy with the deal? "Well possibly some are and some aren't. Then again some always are and some always aren't - it's in the nature of party politics especially at a time of stress".
Meanwhile Mrs Threadbone was keen to accentuate the positive telling her audience - many of whom had not yet returned from a coffee and toilet break - that the "gloom of the naysayers" had been vanquished, that "Dorset was open for business" and that 8 April 2004 was a date that would go down as a hugely significant one in the history of the region.*
* A reference to the date on which it is presumed Professor Brian Thrupiece disappeared from a plush hotel room in Geneva, Switzerland whilst attending the RSCBE's Annual Edna Awards at which he was to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. (Autorités Suisses Dossier Officiel (En Attendant) 2004PBPCT (Mort?) 23414 32323262 4252 1543 1768 1235 7 8651 43677 75 554 2 34 2412/b/6758575657585950586534243). Mrs Threadbone has always regarded this date as significant, even referring to it once as a "date of infamy", though why she mentions it in this context is unclear.
Mrs Threadbone further confirmed that The Thrupiece Organisation Players Easter Passion Play would go ahead as scheduled. Performances of "When I Survey The Wondrous Hot Cross Bun" will take place at The Artisan Bakery Theatre, Chetnole from 29th March to 2nd April (excluding Good Friday, Weekends and Easter Monday). Tickets £6 or concessions (£5.9
[LEFT] Today's Chettle Metro ("Chettle's Favourite Free Newspaper") hails the current progress on Drexit and singles out for especial praise Mrs Threadbone's landmark speech to the Confederation of Dorset Industry's Annual Spring Conference at the 03 Arena, Chettle. [RIGHT] . A rocky road lies ahead, however, with agreement still to be reached on transition arrangements for Not-Cornish Pasties and Handmade Soap.