Exciting news is emerging today from Ladybone Books - the Threadbone Press's highly respected children's imprint. A new series to be launched - in association with the Dorset Institute for Psychiatric Research - is aimed at families struggling to come to terms with the modern world and uncertain quite what it is appropriate to say to children about the nature of family life in Dorset today. The "Not Everyone Lives Like Us!" books will, says series editor Dr Onmes Sage, bring the world of diversity, equality and modern citizenship to the cosy firesides of traditional Dorset and instil the principles of political correctness in those "who haven't got a clue what it is". "And the children could benefit too", she added. "Properly deployed and where necessary", she continued, "the books will have the additional value of bi-passing parents altogether thus relieving young minds of the burdens of the prejudices of their parents enabling them to form acceptable opinions under the expert guidance of those who know how things should be and are determined to make them so".
Using the vehicle of Threadbone Book's already popular young adventurers Brian, Amanda, Edna and their friends, the new series hopes to engage and stimulate young minds, whilst preparing them for a life not always "appropriately represented" in the children's fiction of yesteryear.
First in the series is "Brian and Amanda Bake with an Older Same Sex Couple" - an audacious combination of recipes, story-telling, social indoctrination and decoupage set in the comforting surroundings of Fishpond Bottom. Sensitively illustrated in gender-neutral watercolours on 100% recycled paper, "Brian and Amanda Bake with an Older Same Sex Couple" will be followed in the autumn by "Brian and Edna House Share with an Importunate Single Mother" and "LGBTQ Car Mechanics with Brian, Edna and Amanda".
Reacting to reports of the new series, Conservative MP for East Dorset and leading Drexiteer Sir Ramton Bampton, described the venture as "appalling, disgraceful and offensive - an outrageous insult to the good parents of Dorset". "We have our prejudices" he said, "Of course we do ... but they are based firmly in the much-valued traditions of the area. Good God. They'll be encouraging women to go out to work next. No! Not here and not on my watch! As Horace says, 'one man's prejudice is another man's modus vivendi'. We in the party of Drexit, stand squarely behind the traditional nuclear family, safe in its electrically fenced and firmly gated £1.4 million pound home. A Dorset man's home is his castle - and mine certainly is." Bampton Castle is open to the public 9am-4pm Monday-Friday, late April to late September. Entrance £15, No concessions to anyone or any matter at any time - in any way shape or form.
"Brian and Amanda Bake with an Older Same Sex Couple" will be available in all branches of Threadstones from next Monday.
TOP: Cover for the first in the series of "Not Everyone Lives Like Us!" books from the Ladybone imprint of the Threadbone Press. BOTTOM: Two sample pictures which the publishers describe as "traditionally comforting but radically undermining". The series is endorsed by the Dorset Institute for Psychiatric Research - an endorsement which many believe should ring alarm bells amongst those interested in responsible parenting.