Occasionally Helpful Advice from our Personal Advice Editor" Ivan Overdrafft
Sign of Quality: Dorset WHICH Bank approved Threadbank: unencumbered by FSS regulation
Come the start of December and literally dozens of Dorset citizens will be strapped for cash. The festive season will be upon them and they will want to do right by their importunate grasping families ... but with empty pockets and not a sausage in the kitty what should they do?
Hitherto sound advice from the Dorset Citizen's Advice Bureau has been to take one of the following steps:
Max out on as many credit cards as you can and defer the problem into the New Year
Take your last remaining cash (or borrow what you can) and put it on any 12/1 or better odds bet at Dorset Casino. Gambling irresponsibly may be a bad idea in some people's book. But you're desperate right? So give it a go.
Find a High Street or online loan shark and borrow as much as you can. Forget the 3,000% apr - that's for another day. (You can always borrow more.)
Scrounge off friends and relatives. Remember to promise faithfully that you will pay them back but keep your fingers crossed behind your back and nothing will count.
Indulge in a little innocent petty theft from work - it's only an unofficial loan and you can pay it all back when you are flush. And just in case you're not in work, there's always the local Scout Hut or WI - they normally keep a little petty cash in an unsecured draw and what's more, since they are charitably inclined, they will take a lenient view.
Carve a carrot or similar vegetable into a lifelike replica gun and walk decisively into any bank, currency exchange or high street store. Remember to wear a bandana and/or gorilla mask and REHEARSE YOUR LINES - "Stick em up" will do but is considered old hat, better - to avoid misunderstanding - simply say "I have a gun and I am not afraid to use it. Hand over your cash and no-one gets hurt". Remember be polite but be FIRM!
So those have been your recommended options UP UNTIL NOW.
Thankfully, however, there is now a clear and much better alternative to all of the schemes itemised above: A Threadbank Savings Account! Armed with just £250,000 (minimum deposit) anyone can open up a Threadbank Supersaver Portfolio Special Royalties Gold Privilege 25 Year Savings Account and receive 0.05% interest annually! It's guaranteed no hassle and no ongoing worries. (You won't hear from them at all!) Just deposit the cash and forget all about it for 25 years! And, it's Dorset WHICH Bank's recommended portfolio option: "Five Stars ***** for Threadbank's Supersaver Portfolio Special Royalties Gold Privilege 25 Year Savings Account (Dorset WHICH Bank July 2018)
So why not rush to your local branch today and start making money now. Invest by November 30th and you could have money to spend as early as Christmas 2043! [WARNING: The value of your money can plunge as well as rise imperceptibly.]
Regarded by some as new to the High Street, it's comforting to know that Threadbank has in fact been with us for more than 18 months.