Arsène About


A spokesperson for Royal Dorset Constabulary Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave has revealed that a high-level delegation from L'Authorités Suisses led by none other than Commissare Arsène Bèrglare will arrive in Fifehead Magna today in an attempt to resolve "a number of outstanding issues" in the ongoing inquiry into the disappearance from a Swiss hotel room in 2005 of Culinary Bio-ethics Professor - Professor Brian Thrupiece.


The delegation from L'Authorités Suisse arrives at Chetnole International airport prior to transfer to Fifehead Magna.

The delegation from L'Authorités Suisse arrives at Chetnole International airport prior to transfer to Fifehead Magna. Commissare Arsène Bèrglare (second from right) takes a backseat as the Swiss ambassador is greeted by a Bea Cite-Ciya a representative of The Dorset Tourist Board.

Professor Thrupiece, who was on sabbatical leave from his post as Ciaran Pierre-Wok Distinguished Professor of Culinary Bioethics at the Institute for Advanced Research Toormakeady (Tuar Mhic Èadaigh), was, Edna Whiskey-McNIghtly (sic) Visiting Professor at the Institut de Bioéthique Culinaire, University of Geneva and had been due to attend the Annual International [Europe] Culinary Awards [EDNAS] Ceremony in Geneva when he disappeared in mysterious circumstances, leaving only a a spare shirt, two pairs of trousers, a silver lamé posing-pouch and a note indicating that his absence would be brief. Accompanied during his stay at the hotel by a younger companion and fellow horizontal jogging enthusiast - widely believed to be Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore - he was due to give the opening lecture at the prestigious plenary session of the RSCBE.

The visit of the high-level delegation led by its controversial Chef de Mission should not be assumed to indicate that significant progress has been made in the case, the public has been advised, but may, rather, be an indication of a desire on both side to "cool the temperature" of the sometimes fractious joint-inquiry. Relations between Commissare Berglare and his Dorset colleagues have not always been equable, following accusations of obfuscation, evidence tampering and ineptitude by the Dorset team. Commissare Bèrglare is not without his own whiff of personal notoriety due in part to his agreement to allow a fictionalised account of his crime-solving adventures to be serialised in several multipart dramas shown in this country on thrupiecetv. ["The most realistic police procedural since Murder She Wrote. it brings to mind Dixon of Dock Green at its best", Broadwinsor What To Watch, w/e 12 September 2019]


Setting the bar for gritty realistic police dramas: Dixon of Dock Green featured rule breaking Constable (later Sergeant) George Dixon (centre) plain clothes detective Andy Crawford (right) and young neighbourhood copper Bob Threadbeat (left). It has been compared favourably to the recent Commissare Bèrglare mini-series.

Though both delegations are playing down any suggestions of a breakthrough, sources close to Sir Rising Crimewave believe that Bèrglar and his garçons may be pursuing fresh leads in the case. It is even suggested in some quarters that L'Authorités Suisses may have uncovered evidence that reveals the actual topic of the Professor's proposed lecture and that his disappearance may be connected to a plot by a party or parties as yet unknown to prevent its wider dissemination. "We believe that someone amongst Bèrglar and his garçons may have uncovered evidence that reveals the actual topic of the Professor's proposed lecture and that his disappearance may be connected to a plot by a party or parties as yet unknown to prevent its wider dissemination", a friend of Sir Rising told investigative reporters from the Sydling St Nicholas Sun, "but more than that we couldn't say at this stage". Commissare Bèrglar arrives in Fifehead Magna on the 2.15 from Tarrant Rushton and will be wearing a costume deux pièces and closed-lace dress shoes with matching insoles.


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