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A Further Statement


A further statement from Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Education, Research, Sport, Commercial Outreach, Opportunism and On-Campus Betting Mr Grantham Capricorn.


On the off-chance that anyone was confused by yesterday's [admittedly rather long] communiqué, a summary of its main points is appended below:


1. We are CLOSED

2. Anyone and everyone associated with the University should BUGGER OFF HOME and STAY THERE*

3. The University remains open for INWARD monetary transactions ONLY

4. The Dutch Antilles are expensive [daiquiris are $12 a pop] and we ask alumni to consider seriously the welfare of those less fortunate than themselves - ie University

officers self-exiled here.

5. Anyone still wanting a degree should just take one until supplies run out [NB at the

current rate of exchange 1 BA Degree [First Class] = less than 3 sheets of toilet roll].


* Except for designated front-line financial officers.


Please, in no circumstances, attempt to contact any member of the University's Administrative Team. They are busy securing the financial future of the institution and any distraction from their priority focus could lead to long term systemic damage to our hard-won credit score. We will contact you in the event that we need to remind you of your financial obligations. Your patience at this time is much appreciated.



**** COMMUNICATION ENDS **** - **** COMMUNICATION ENDS ****


And now can we just move on please [Ed]

 
 
 

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The Threadbone Corporation (AJTCorps)

The Mall

Great Heaving

West Lulworth, UK

Tel: +44 (0)1929 400000

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DISCLAIMER: Though it will be perfectly obvious that the absurd world of Professor Thrupiece and his corporate affairs is no more nor less than the product of a fevered brain, it is clearly affirmed here that any resemblance to actual persons, organisations or events is purely coincidental and that no slight or injury of any kind is intended to any person alive, dead or yet to be born.

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