A Load Of Hot Air


Fears that the centre piece of Friday's long-planned Thrupiece Day Celebrations in Moor Crichel might be cancelled for both Health and Safety and Contrik-69 reasons were happily allayed today after local council officials gave the all clear to a revised proposal which will allow "up to 10 people to attend" the special groundbreaking event.


Speaking after today's landmark decision to proceed, concept-architect Redita Goa-Head and council officer Thatza Greene-Lite both agreed that the compromise they had sought and jointly authored was "good for Moor Crichel, good for the county and above all good for nothing".


Almost 12 months in the planning the climactic ceremony - in which a hot air balloon in the shape of the Professor is to be launched into the skies before traversing the county over a 16 hour period scattering Bèrglare Must Fall leaflets* - was in serious doubt after objections were raised by a group of worried citizens who claimed that gases escaping from the balloon's canopy would interact with nearby 5G masts to produce a deadly variant of the CONTRIK-69 virus capable of causing a second and even more deadly "spike". Protesters asserted that small mammals, vegetable marrows and those living in council houses would be particularly susceptible.


* A reference to Commissaire de Police Arsène Berglàre of L'Autorités Suisses whose continuing incompetence has marred all progress in investigations into the whereabouts of missing, presumed disappeared, Professor Thrupiece.


Happier Times: Melvyn Scoops with Noodles Goodbody in Moor Crichel before the "reconciliation" with Mrs Scoops. "I had no more control over my Barclaycard then than I do now", a rueful Mr Scoops said, "but at least I got something for my money".

A spokesperson for CABLE [Citizens Against Balloon Led Endangerment] - 34 year old Ms Noodles Goodbody (aka Ms Alwys Willingan-Abel) (42-28-34) - remained adamant that the launch would endanger the lives of hundreds of thousands of vulnerable rodents many of which had no idea how dangerous hot air balloons can be [especially to those flying in them or standing under them when ballast is ejected]. Her more than evident public front front was fully supported, she claimed, by the latest and most rigorous science - notably a steel reinforced Playtex separate and lift cross-your-heart balcony plunge cantilever. Ms Goodbody, the RDC revealed is well-known to its officers and "has form".


It also emerged today that, in a counter move, 65 year old Mrs Edwina Scoops of 41 Cloacle Street, Puncknowle - who cannot be named for legal reasons - who is a well-known litigant and aeronautical enthusiast has sought a legal challenge to CABLE declaring that she had the necessary funds to fight them all the way to the highest courts in the land. [On-and-off husband and former Territorial Army Reservist (Catering Division) Mr Melvyn Scoops [whose former liaison with Ms Noodles Goodbody landed both of them in court two years ago] confirmed that he was no longer in possession of his Barclaycard having surrendered it to his wife "some time ago".]


Be that as it may today's landmark compromise between the promoters of NTD and the Moor Crichel Council should mean that celebrations can now go ahead. Balloon pilot Gaz Burna said the launch was scheduled for 0900 hours on Friday provided the guy with the cylinders turns up.


Despite local fears there is general rejoicing at news that the historic air lift and leaflet distribution can go ahead on Friday.

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