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A Reader Writes #586

Depiction of that moment - but emphatically not a clip from the film Thrupiece.

As a reader who both reads and writes, I am writing to A Reader Writes in the hope that what I write will be read by others. Again as a writer and reader, I assume that this is the prime purpose of A Reader Writes, which is to say, to encourage readers to write in the hope other readers will read what they write and be encouraged to write in themselves so that other readers can read what they have written. Yesterday I was more of a reader than a writer, but today ...

I write as follows:

"I am encouraged to write to A Reader Writes having read yesteday's post on the subject of the much vaunted [and in my view somewhat over-hyped] film Thrupiece. I saw it in my local Odeon [Alton St Pancras] about a month ago and was amongst those who elected to leave at half time. Though I was generally quite taken with the film to begin with and keen to find out both how Professor Thrupiece achieved his groundbreaking transformation of fluff and how that extraordinary moment of discovery would be depicted, I found that after this point, the film deteriorated markedly, becoming quite tedious once we got into the legal details of the various patent claims and counter claims. [My concentration was not helped by the fact that behind me in the cinema several couples seemed more interested in themselves than the film. Their somewhat intrusive audio footprint, combined with that of the film's explosive soundtrack, induced a headache which quite half a dozen neurofen did nothing to relieve.] I cannot say whether the film reached a satisfactory conclusion, but can say, with absolute certainty, that at least one couple did - and that for me was the final straw.

Professor Thrupiece's laboratory - scene of the life-changing discovery.

On returning home I decided to research the veracity of the film's narrative [I was already convinced that it was highly unlikely that fluff would sing and/or dance however excited it became] and so consulted various proven and authoritative sources [including the excellent account contained in what is surely the definitive guide to be found on the official worldwide interweb site]. Sure enough; no mention whatsoever is made of the singing and dancing business: compelling evidence to my way of thinking that the film had fictionalised [and perhaps even infantilised] what is without question one of the sentient world's top 50 seminal moments*.

* In the 2023 poll of the Sentient World's Top 50 Seminal Moments, the discovery of fluff-based nutrition ranked 8th, down two places since the 2022 survey.

As a further submission in support of my case, I take the opportunity to quote directly from Professor Thrupiece's Diary [The Complete Diaries of Professor Thrupiece, 212 vols, various editors, The Threadbone Press].

Magic in a Jar: and, importantly, no sign of a song or a dance

In Volume XCIII we read:

"Today was perhaps the most significant day of my life so far**. I have at last succeeded in creating a highly nutritional substance derived from household fluff collected from the nooks and crannies of various abodes, workplaces and recreational locastions. So far it is proving stable at room temperature and below and I am optimistic that even under heat it can maintain its structural integrity. Tomorrow, if I remember, I will bring some Bovril - or maybe stewed rhubarb - into the lab and see if it can absorb and retain flavour. If it can, I may be on to something - a "food" carrier with a zero calorific tariff and - better still - available in almost unimaginable abundance. It might well prove the basis of a whole dietary regime; ideal for those with big appetites, no self-control and a yearning for unusual textures. Only time will tell but I feel this is my Oppenheimer moment - though I am become not death but life; the creator of food".

So not a mention of singing, dancing or even plain oral expression on the part of the [I presume] inert fluff/foodstuff. Which leaves me with an important question which I trust readers of A Reader Writes will feel moved to address. Why is the film industry allowed to take such liberties with our history and will Peni Cillian be compelled to give his TOSCAR back?

** This is some claim. Bear in mind that by this time Professor Thrupiece had already succeeded in creating a methane-based rocket fuel capable of powering large rockets and had made a significant contribution to both the Soviet and American space projects. He had done much else besides but, as the saying goes, "that was in another country and besides the wench is dead". In one respect, however, Professor Thrupiece was [typically] absolutely on the money - both literally and figuratively. It was the Thrupiecediet™  which established his fortune allowing him to spend the rest of his life indulging his twin passions: discovery and horizontal jogging.


Lavinia Forth-Wright

Lavinia Forth-Wright [Miss]

Alton St Pancras

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