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Airborn Assault

In an attempt to revive its flagging fortunes, the beleaguered airline Threadbone Airways [or, "going forward" AeroThreadbone [Oh for Christ's sake must we? [Ed]] has undergone a significant rebrand thanks to the efforts of influential design and company promotion agency Charles and Maurice MacPro. The once-troubled PR firm that even more troubled corporations turn to when more troubled still, has once again come up trumps according to marketing expert Cole Stanewkasel who believes the new logo and a new tailplane design - a familiar image of Professor Thrupiece - will lend the failing passenger carrier new credibility as well as an aura of forward-looking dynamism.

Part of the genius of the MacPro campaign is to place advertisements in carefully selected areas where competition for custom is likely to be keenest. This site in the heart of East Creech's commercial centre is typical.

"It is an image of stability and at the same time of change; a conservative yet radical proposal offering an enticing, even saucy passenger-facing experience coupled with an edgy yet undeniably forward-pointing evolutionary thrust, whilst keeping its eye firmly on the investor-leaning ball of commercial portfolio security. In short, it's more or less what you'd expect from a PR company that knows its client base and understands the limitations of its over-stretched credibility. Once more it has gone to the well of Thrupiece respectability in the hope of deriving short-term market pacification and longer-term business credibility with the possibility of marginal uplift from a potentially award-winning design at a volatile time for the people-moving industries". Mr Stanewkasel has a BA in Market-speak with Advanced Fancy Stitchwork from the University of Afpuddle [Course Overprovision Discount Sale, Christmas 2016].

That new logo on the tailplane of an AeroThreadbone Airbus A-380 - just one of the airway's extensive fleet of modern aircraft it is hoping to take out of park fermée.

Disappointingly for CEO Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, the value of AeroThreadbone stocks actually fell sharply after the announcement though a senior spokesperson for the airline denied suggestions it was about to issue a profit warning. "Profit warnings are issued when companies wish to alert shareholders to the likelihood that profits will be down in comparison either with the previous year's or with annual projections and/or detailed monthly forecasts. Since we haven't a clue where we were this time last year, are this year or will be next year, it would be foolish to issue anything - apart from tickets obviously to those wishing to travel. We hope to be doing that again soon once our ticket printing machine has been returned from the menders and we hope people will buy them - then we will see where we are. Thank you very much. No further questions, I've a toddler needs picking up from school and a pizza to collect. Bye bye everybody, bye bye ... ...".

Only time will tell if the statement is enough to calm market fears.

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