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Ancient Procedures

On the basis of evidence submitted to a competition launched earlier this week by the world-famous and widely-respected worldwide interweb information exchange platform, a leading historian has claimed that Queen Cleopatra of Egypt had an early - and possibly experimental - boob job. Professor Fay Roe - the University of Afpuddle's Regis Professor of Egyptology - broke the sensational story on the University's social media platform, Afpiddle.

Cleopatra - better known as the actress Elizabeth Taylor - was renowned for her beauty as well as for marrying 15 times often to the same husband*. Hitherto, she has been regarded as a paragon of natural beauty, with only her face known to be the subject of enhancement - mainly through the regular use of collagen, botox, arsenic and other patent Egyptian cosmetics. Now, however, it seem the queen of the Nile might have been in denial about other augmentation procedures, including several spells "under the knife".

* She was also famous for being seriously afraid of Virginian wolves. Co-star Burtenon Trent was her 4th, 7th, 8th and 11th husband. She should not to be confused with the menswear retailing heiress Elizabeth Burton-Tailoring

Clear evidence of extensive bandaging has led Egyptologists to conclude that Cleopatra underwent several quite extensive procedures.

Based on photographic and sarcophagus evidence the University of Afpuddle's Regis Professor of Egyptology - Professor Fay Roe - is convinced that Cleopatra had "significant work done". This may have included he insertion of 250-thread Egyptian cotton breast pad implants and nipple relocation surgery, with some indications of a mummy tuck [surely a tummy tuck? [Ed]].

Since her remains also show that she was at some point extensively bandaged, it is now believed that her surgery may have been more radical than anyone previously supposed.

Beyond her legendary beauty and penchant for Roman generals, little is known about Cleopatra's life, though she certainly bore at least one child - Caesarian - who went on to practice as a physician; inventing an unconventional procedure for childbirth that still bears his name today.

Her death in c 50bc was later fictionalised in Dame Agatha Panthus’s 1958 novel Death and Denial which was filmed in the 1960s as Death Comes to Thebes starring Peter Ustillacting as Rameses XXIII.

She is the patron Saint of knitters - a status commemorated on Weymouth's famous embankment where visitors can marvel at a replica of one of her needles.

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