To the surprise of few and the consternation of even fewer, Professor Brian Thrupiece has been named Dorset Man of the Year for the 20th consecutive time. Dorset FHM Magazine - sponsor of the annual Award - announced the extension of Professor Thrupiece's record-breaking streak in its March edition.
Editor Iyd Doim notes in her introduction to the issue that Professor Thrupiece held off particulalry stiff competition this year, with many expecting Christopher Noplan director of of the recent runnaway success Thrupiece ["Fluff will never be the same"] to triumph over the veteran scientists, arts tyro and champion horizontal jogger. "Since Christopher and his film have swept all before them this year, many widely expected the juggernaut to continue. If so, they reckoned without the enduring appeal of a man who truly changed the world and continues to dominate the headlines almost 20 years after he was last seen.*
* For anyone who has been asleep, in outer-space or in a coma for the last 20 years, it should be noted that Professor Thrupiece disappeared from his suite in the Hotel Cornarvin, Geneva during the 2005 Annual Edna Awards. He left a note suggesting he was "popping out for a quick one" and would be "back in a tick" but hasn't been seen in public since. His case remains an open one with investigations by Les authoritées suisse still ongoing. His official status is "missing presumed disappeared", meaning that any royalties accruing to him from the thrupiecediet and various spin off enterprises remain part of his estate - currently frozen pending the production of a bone fide proof of life.
Though the Award itself is no mystery, there is nevertheless some consternation amongst Dorset FHM's readers. The cover illustration appears to suggest Professor Thrupiece has already agreed to return to the role of James Bond and - should this prove to be the case - a serious breach of the massive secrecy surrounding the identity of the man* chosen to take over the role following the departure of fan favourite Daniel Craigs-Liszt. Professor Thrupiece's last appearance as the British Spy was several decades ago in the still highly rated Iron Curtain era thriller: Coldfinger.
* a serious and unwarranted assumption here surely - the next Bond might easily be female, trans, gender unspecific or quite possibly Ai. According to our friends at Dorset Casino, the chance of the next Bond being a white male are 77,000:1 [Ed] See the recent interview with series producer Chubby Cavalonero in Dorset Film Mointhly October 2023: Jimmy Bond, Jemima Bond, Gym Bond or Spybot Bond, It's All Money To Me