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And The Winner Is ....


There was general consternation at the climax of last night's annual Association of Dorset Travel Agents Awards ceremony when the winner of the The Professor Recommends Magazine-sponsored Dorset's Best Resort 2023 Award was finally announced. Several of the county's coastal towns had been heavily tipped to take the ballon d'or in the weeks leading up to the gala event, though two had emerged as clear favourites in the last few days: Branscombe Beach and Durdle Door. So heavy had the betting been on the favoured pair that at 3pm, Dorset Casino suspended all further bets pending a "potential liquidity issue" and an exploratory visit by the Serious Fraud Division of the RDC. The well-respected and generally well-trusted The Professor Recommends Magazine has sponsored the event since 2016 - adding an air of credibility to the sometimes arbitrary choices of the previous era. [The winner throughout the Threadbone Corporation-sponsored period [2005-2015] had been Great Heaving - a choice as bewildering as it was predictable [Ed].]


Mudeford where Threadbone Corporation Deputy Chair Mr Royston Binstocke has recently acquired his 12th holiday home.

As delegates waited anxiously for the result [buoyed only by an endless supply of dressed crab, scallops, lobster, turbot, sea bream, champagne and backstabbing chit chat] rumour spread that rank outsider Mudeford was the name lurking inside the winning envelope. Chair of the judging panel Mr Royston Binstocke [who recently renovated a fisherman's cottage in the town] remained tight-lipped as representatives of the major contenders took it in turn to place "seriously well-stuffed" envelopes into the trouser pockets of his loose-fitting designer suit.

Those confusing and near identical Powerpoint slides

As 11pm approached, compère and celebrity travel writer Rhodes Aflème took to the stage to announce that the winner was indeed "Sunny" Branscombe, but after frantic gesturing from the Eurovision adjudicators box, that decision was rescinded and "Sunny" Durdle Door was installed as the winner instead. Seconds later, another commotion ensued after "Sunny" Branscombe appeared to be reinstated as its name appeared on a gigantic Powerpoint slide projection. Moments after that, an identical Powerpoint slide indicated that "Sunny" Durdle Door was once again preferred. Finally, a series of blank screens, blank expressions and blank cheques led the audience to believe that the only winner was in fact chaos and confusion. However, as Rhodes Aflème was escorted from the Dias by Whisky-McNightly security guardes and Mr Binstocke was able to empty the contents of both pockets, a quick financial recount revealed that the true winner [by a margin of only £33.50] was in fact Branscombe.


Town Clerk and Head of Tourism Visi Tüss accepted the Gold Shield and a cheque for £250 - a sum, insiders say, approximately £222,750 less than it had cost the resort to secure the prestigious award.


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