Anti-Pro-Drexit Stance Takes Terrible Toll

Observers say Mr Street has "visually aged" during an exhausting period sitting on the fence.

The high-wire fence-sitting anti-pro-Drexit stance of DHRA Opposition leader Mr Jermyn Street has taken its toll it was revealed today as campaign literature delivered to DHRA members highlighted the now ravaged features of the once youthful Mr Street.

After months of campaigning "either way" for the forthcoming DHRA elections in which the vexed question of DREXIT has loomed large, Mr Street has emerged an exhausted figure. Admitting via his election agent - Bob Hustings - that "like all acts of principle, sitting on the fence, is never easy", the man who has championed the reinstatement of the YES-NO INTERLUDE on prime-time television, looks a shadow of his former shadow self [Mr Street was briefly Shadow Foreign Membership Secretary of the DHRA in the 2009/10 coalition]. "In fact he looks more like an octogenarian Boner, than a man ready to lead an organisation into increasingly fruitless, meaningless and pointless negotiations with the West Country Union", said a friend of Mrs Doris Endersely-Kindersley - Mr Street's bitter rival for the post of DHRA PM and First Secretary of the Rubber Stamp.

Though many ordinary DHRA members who had voted by a narrow margin to leave the West Country Union [or West Country Historical Romance Association Union to give it its full title], the majority hoped that talks between Mrs Endersely-Kindersley and Mr Street might lead to a common approach to the forthcoming divorce. However, Mr Street's insistence that the "Some Deal or No Deal Option" be taken off the table, left little room for manoeuvre. Having already rejected the "Any Old Deal Will Do Deal" as well as the "Best Deal is the Enemy of the Good Deal", the "No Deal is Better than a Bad Deal provided it's not a Fair Deal" and the "Deal or No Deal [or Sealed Box]" alternatives, both sides appear to be running out of options. "The problem", explains Drexit expert Weshud Leavor-Nottleave "is that both sides appear to be running out of options".

The election takes place on 23 May. Several people are expected to vote one way or the other.

Finger drawn: a vigorous Mr Street at the start of the Campaign