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'App 'n It Might Be Him


A major investigation was set to get underway today following startling new evidence in the case of Professor Brian Thrupiece, the eminent Culinary Bio-Ethicist whose disappearance from a Swiss hotel Room whilst attending the Edna Awards in 2005 has never been satisfactorily resolved [or some say, satisfactorily investigated]. In late April of that year the esteemed, multi-talented and much-decorated Professor was due to give the Annual Association lecture at his old Cambridge College - Alma Mater College - but failed to show up, triggering several police forces and later INTERPOL to begin belated inquiries into his disappearance - quite possibly some days and perhaps even some weeks prior to his much-anticipated Cambridge engagement. After several abortive inquiries and as many dead-ends, the Professor's status was officially categorised as "missing presumed absent" and has remained so, pending a much needed break-through in the otherwise stalled investigation.


Just such a breakthrough may now have been delivered to the investigating forces thanks to an unexpected benefit [unintended consequence? [Ed]] of the new Threadsoft App CHRONICITY - which enables those subscribing to it to create a simulacrum of any given face projected 20,30, 40, 50 or more years into the future.


The CHRONICITY-generated reconstruction which went viral several hours after its demonstration-only-intended unveiling.

As part of the demonstration launch, Threadsoft had performed just such an operation on a photograph of Professor Thrupiece taken in 2004. Chosen almost at random ["he was simply a face everyone knew"] and with no eye to advancing any ongoing inquiries, the image of an 80-something-year-old Professor Thrupiece rapidly "went viral" and in the process came to the attention of Mrs Pee Pinnkk-Tomme, an ordinary housewife who makes her home in the delightful metropolis of Muscliff. Out for her "daily constitutional" with her three dogs Freeman, Hardy and Willis, she spotted a man waiting for a No 601 trolley bus [Rossmoor to Alder Hills, twice weekly Tuesdays and Fridays] and looking, she later told reporters, "a little bit shifty as well as a tad unsteady on his pins".




Mrs Pee Pinnkk-Tomme's photograph has sparked a good deal of interest not least amongst transport enthusiasts who had no idea that the twice weekly No 601 Rossmoor to Alder Hill route was still serviced trolley buses

A responsible citizen [How refreshing [Ed]], she immediately photographed the man and handed it to her local constable - PC Passitton - who passed it on to the RDC's Data and Image-Handling HQ in Great Heaving. There experts were quick to enhance the image, compare it against the brand new digitally rendered CHRONICITY-App reconstruction and declare the two "a remarkable pairing, with 338 points of similarity and a suggested 2.4% chance of a match".




Whether or not this allows the RDC - or even Les Authoreés Suisses - to re-open their "cold case" files and institute an immediate search of the Muscliff area alongside a full-blown Gestapo-style interrogation of all of its citizens remains to be seen. Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave declined to be drawn on the matter, leaving the RDC state-of-the-art HQ and Crime Fighting Facility covered by blanket from which could be heard muttering something along the lines of "budget constraints, precious resources, overspend, waste of public funds, CONTRIK-69 priorities, double vaccination con, Police Complaints Commission, I did not accept a bribe, Lady Crimewave has no involvement in the matter, innocent until proven guilty [in may case anyway] etc etc".


A graphic illustration of the complex matching process [Courtesy the Royal Dorset Constabulary].

 
 
 

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The Threadbone Corporation (AJTCorps)

The Mall

Great Heaving

West Lulworth, UK

Tel: +44 (0)1929 400000

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DISCLAIMER: Though it will be perfectly obvious that the absurd world of Professor Thrupiece and his corporate affairs is no more nor less than the product of a fevered brain, it is clearly affirmed here that any resemblance to actual persons, organisations or events is purely coincidental and that no slight or injury of any kind is intended to any person alive, dead or yet to be born.

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