A careful study of market research data gathered by TMO [Threadbone Mass Observation] Ltd as well as a sharp sense of business opportunity has led the Hornimint Company's Home Furnishings Division - Horniplan - to design and market "a remarkable breakthrough" in interior design - the key to assisted activity aka the Hornichair.
Designed for deployment in the lounge, sitting room, bedroom, gym or any other interior space where privacy, accessibility and maximum sustainable comfort is "top of the consumer's wants list", this ergonomic masterpiece is guaranteed to make top-class marital interaction "a piece of cake". Highly articulated, flexible yet lockable and functionally-extendable via optional restraints [£250 extra], the Hornichair makes those difficult to get into positions and impossible to reach zones an absolute breeze turning the least dextrous of amateurs into X-rated professionals or what the brochure describes as "Fred Astaires of the conformable chair".
And, as though that were not enticement enough, the non-slip wipe-down hygeinicloth™ upholstery finish [sanitising wipes £30 per 25 extra] means that however wild the action the chair can be restored to pristine condition and be ready for re-use in the blink of an eye [ie quicker than you are [Ed]].
REAL LIFE ENDORSEMENTS:
"At first, it was a bit fast for me and the old girl but we got used to it in no time" anonymous contributors review in Dorset Swingers Club Magazine
"A first class ride" Dorset Specialist Chair Monthly
"After a slipped disc and a hip replacement, I thought anything beyond the downward dog was a thing of the past, but with the Hornichair properly bolted down and a light hoist, me and the wife can get into and maintain almost any situation - we can even get out of some of them." Mr J.M, When I'm Sixty-Nine Magazine
"At our age the non-slip aspect is a real boon", Safer Surfaces Weekly
"I bent over backwards to get this and then tried again with the chair in place. I felt it was much better and the wife said she felt it too" . Life Begins at 75 Magazine [Largeprint edition]
Though far from cheap [the basic model starts at £1,350], the manufacturers believe that those in need of such a device will regard a purchase as money well spent. "It's amazing how much people - men especially - will spend to prove to themselves and their partners that they can still be at it, 'no holes barred'* as it were. Last week we sold 5 to the Meyrick Park Indoor Bowls Club for their après-match warm down sessions. Apparently some of them get very stiff after their exertions on the mat."
I think that's "no holds barred" [Ed]
The Hornichair is available direct from the Hornimint Company's Home Furnishings Division. Its specialist nature and specific customer requirements mean that it is not available in high street shops. Easy payment terms are available on proof of medical well-being. The Hornichair is not returnable and intending customers are asked to think carefully before committing as well as to check with their partners that the purchase is both acceptable and worthwhile.
DOWNLOADABLE e-BROCURE HERE