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Bright New Dawn

Sir Kia Hatchback, the new DHRA PM insists he is no throw-back.

Voters in the DHRA election woke this morning to a changed political landscape, a breath of fresh air and a brave new world, as 14 years of embarrassing centre-right kakistocracy* came to an end and a new centre-left kakistocracy slunk into power. Dismissing the gloom of the past as "just a sad and dispiriting memory" new PM [Photocopying Monitor] Sir Kia Snatchback said "A new dawn has arrived and a spirit of unbridled optimism is abroad. This result - in which we secured almost 38% of the vote in a staggering 24% turnout - shows that the public has renewed its faith in party politics and can now look forward to life under the government it richly deserves."

kakistocracy (/kækɪˈstɒkrəsi/, /kækɪsˈtɒ-/): a government run by the worst, least qualified, or most unscrupulous citizens. The word was coined as early as the seventeenth century and is derived from two Greek words, kakistos (κάκιστος; worst) and kratos (κράτος; rule), with a literal meaning of government by the worst people. Time will tell whether the new worst people are better or worse than the old worst people who were in many people's estimation the worst worst people since the worst worst people elected previously. [cf D:Nightmare: "Things can only get worst", one of the all time great party political rallying songs]. On an optimistic note, though they took control of the cloakroom facilities, the Illib Non-Dems did not secure a majority on the Consenting Adults Water-Sports working party.

Outgoing PM Wishy Notso-Soonback said it was a sad day for the country and a poor reward for many hardworking DHRA officials who, he admitted, had failed.*

* to extract the maximum benefit to themselves whilst in office

Reflecting the new upbeat mood, weather forcasters have predicted a deep depression with heavy cloud dominating the country for months if not years to come.

Meanwhile in other news:

Voters were out and about early this morning celebrating the arrival of a new era in Dorset politics.
  • Illib-Non-Dem leader Sir Ed Case nearly drowns in rain shower stunt

  • Sod the Lot leader, Noël Faraaago finds himself between a rock cafe and an hard standing

  • DNP [Dorset Nationalist Party] claims results are only a "minor set-back" for independence after total wipe-out

  • Conservative and Dorset Unionist Party chooses all three surviving Committee Members as joint-leaders in futile attempt to reunite party

  • Green Party leader "full of beans" and has "wind in her sails" after celebration veggie curry.

  • Democracy pronounced dead as 100% of all voters go to bed early

  • Dorset Broadcasting Corporation in bias row after presenter opens champagne runs around studio naked and appears to have spontaneous orgasm as exit pole revealed.

  • World War III erupts as Israel attacks Ukraine, Ukraine invades North Korea and new foreign secretary visits Iran

  • Boiled sweets under threat as new raid on "voluntary spending" targets independent school children's pocket money

  • New DHRA leadership announces Dorset Health Service out of emergency measures as three patients manage to secure GP appointments.

  • the problem with small boats: do they need bigger outboards?

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