A Doctored Picture writes:
As a doctored picture I am often asked, how did you become doctored? Why do people make such a fuss about it? And should anyone found guilty be hung drawn and quartered in the national press, or, at the very least be named, shamed and compared unfavourably with the delightfully retiring US-resident Renault Megan?
As a doctored picture myself, I declare an interest and so defer to my colleague Pryss Steen-Imidge who will bring readers up to date with the latest twists in this week's infamous Doctored Picture saga:
Unsullied photo expert Pryss Steen-Imidge writes:
In what is being labelled Doctored Picturegate Number 273, CEO of the Threadbone Knitwear Company Mrs Amanda J Threadbone is under intense scrutiny today - accused of faking a picture in the Company's latest knitwear catalogue. Though knitwear catalogues are notorious for the amount of "retouching" employed in their production, photographic experts say they are astonished at the scale of manipulation evident in this particular case.
professorthrupiece.com asked forensic photo-experts at the Threadbone Digital Photo Laboratory to analyse the offending image and can exclusively reveal the tell-take signs of fakery that only a practiced eye and years of specialist training can spot.
Laboratory technician Inna Darke-Roome explains: the five points of critical analysis were selected on the basis of a careful eyeballing by trained recognition experts. These were reviewed by our critical review team and passed on to our high-resolution digital forensic quantitative mapping team. They carried out several further [non-destructive] tests and confirmed that "the picture is definitely dodgy", finding its creator guilty on four counts of poor Photoshop technique and one on the more serious misdemeanour of improper use of photo-manipulation software in a knitwear advertisement. It was unclear whether the matter would be referred to the Serious Fraud Office of the Royal Dorset Constabularly whose Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave was unavailable for comment*.
* Sir Rising was later spotted leaving the home of Threadbone Corporation CEO, CIO, Chair and President for Life Mrs Amanda J Threadbone wearing a Pērditøllervo Shagged Me Too 12ply casual sweater in beige and cream.
QED**
** Quite Extraordinary Development? [ED]. Questionable Editorial Decision? [Sub Ed]. No, Quod Erat Demonstrandum [Quintus Remus, best-selling author of the Vinicius Pusilli novels]
DO TRY THIS AT HOME
To celebrate Doctored Picturegate, professorthrupiece.com is giving 20 lucky readers the chance to try a bit of home photo-manipulation for themselves. To receive your ABSOLUTELY FREE SOFTWARE *** email us at: freephotooffer@professorthrupoiece.com
*** Trial Version free for 3 days afterwards contractually enforceable 12 year contract at £24 per calendar month. No cancelations accepted. Your property may be at risk if you fail to pay when asked the sum we later rely on in bankrupcy court. NEITHER professorthrupiece.com NOR THE THREADBONE CORPORATION ACCEPTS ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR REPUTATIONAL DAMAGE AND/OR RIDICULOUSLY OVER-HYPED PRESS ATTENTION RESULTING FROM THE USE [PROPER OR IMPROPER] OF THIS SOFTWARE.
