Updated: Mar 2, 2020
Residents of what has been dubbed Dorset's dimmest conurbation - Stour Row - were left confused and disappointed yesterday when predictions of "a token shower" over the area turned out to be other than expected. Experts at the Royal Dorset Meteorological Service had said that "amidst fair and mainly calm conditions there will be local concentrations of more intense activity and a token shower over Stour Row in the early hours on Saturday morning".
Amongst those misreading this information were, Bernice and Sandy Gullible-Travers, who rushed to the city centre of Stour Row expecting a flurry of give-away vouchers from local retailers. "We thought we'd get a Threadboneextra voucher or at worst a Waitaminute discount token. Well a two-for-one on Hoibnobs at least. After all, they'd said so on the telly and the radio." "We're really gutted they added", a sentiment echoed by a chorus of disaffected bargain-seekers including a small party from the nearby Nearly Safe Ward of the Stour Provost Asylum. Staff at the Unit had chartered a bus and a small trailer for transporting the expected torrent of discounted purchases.
Speaking for the Royal Dorset Meteorological Society, Chief Scientist Gail Force said she believed that the Service has been quite clear that they were in the weather forecasting business, had signalled as much by labelling their broadcasts "The Weather Forecast" and that, for this reason - and several others ["you can't always allow for idiocy"] - they had nothing for which to apologise. "We tend to think the weather is unpredictable, but it's nothing compared to some people. Imagine if we'd said there would be flash floods - they'd be out there looking for free torches". DOFCOM has confirmed that they will be taking no action against the service but has advised that in future they should avoid ambiguous terms and should make it even clearer that they are weather forecasters not discount voucher agents. "It might help avoid confusion but then again it might not. People in search of a bargain can be absolute sods to convince".