Flash, Bang Wallop, What A Picture


There were red faces all round this morning in the marketing offices of Threadbone Edukashon as embarrassed executives were forced to admit they had selected the wrong picture of increasingly reclusive Dorset celebrity Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore in publicity materials aimed at promoting their professorthrupiece.com home e-schooling product line.


Accepting that "they might have realised earlier on in the piece" that the instruction to show Ms Sizemore "in an attractive light, studious concentrating on something important to her", should not have meant selecting a photograph of her topless on a tropical beach firmly focussed on the tricky task of removing her thong.


Blaming the company's admirable Dorset Chamber of Commerce Award-winning work-experience programme for the error, Managing Director Minnie Mumwayje said in a statement that "the important task of selecting an appropriate photograph of Ms Sizemore was, unfortunately, delegated to an inexperienced office junior who now holds the record for the shortest employment stint in the Company's history". "It's not for me to name names", she continued, " we do not operate a blame culture here - but suffice it to say that Ms Ayr Hedde of 32 Station Road, Batcombe is no longer with us and won't be getting much by way of a reference."

Meanwhile, professorthrupiece.com has been told that the Threadbone Corporation has made an abject apology to Ms Sizemore who, it is understood had complained to none other than Threadbone Corporation head-honcho Mrs Amanda J Threadbone herself. No statement has been issued by the multinational conglomerate's CEO, CFO, Chair and President for LIFE, though local florist Blooms'RUs [The High Street, Fiddleford - open Monday-Saturday 8am - 4pm, funerals a speciality] has confirmed that several large assorted bouquets together with a message reading "Sorry for the cock-up dear. Enriqué apart, you just can't get the staff. Love AJT" were delivered to an address in Sturminster Newton late last night.




As speculation continues on the potential impact of the photographic "mix-up" on all concerned, one industry expert suggested that "whilst this might have an adverse impact on the sometimes uneasy relationship between Ms Sizemore and Mrs Threadbone, it is likely that with goodwill on both sides any damage can be repaired - which is probably more than can be said for the likely plunge in sales of the home e-schooling project following the substitution of a new photograph - particularly at the more priapic end of the market."

Observant media watchers have noticed a subtle change in the publicity for the professorthrupiece.com home e-schooling programme.

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