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Fluffed Lines?

Sensational: The real story of the Thrupiece Diet is brought to the big screen.

To the surprise of no one, Thrupiece - the story of Professor Brian Thrupieces’s world-changing invention of the Thrupiece Diet [full official story HERE] has swept the Board at this year's TOSCARs ceremony garnering 123 awards [it was nominated in 124 categories] to add to the 186 DAFTAs it won last month.

The only category in which it was not triumphant was that of least biodegradable set featured in a non-sustainable scene. That award went to rival movie D’ya Ken (the right-on woke-agenda-pleasing story of the triumph of a century Scottish transgender woman in an all-female [cervix certified] 19th-century Edinburgh woollen mill.

Thrupiece director Christopher Noplan was adamant that not winning the award in this category was tantamount to an endorsement; proving that Thrupiece is the true heir to previous record breaking films, Early Christian epic Ben Him [11 TOSCAS 5 DAFTAS including Best Actor for Chorelton cum Heston] and the cult pornographic cruise-based masterpiece Tit an’ Dick [11 TOSCAS, 6 DAFTAS including awards for "most realistic prosthetic enhancement in a film adapted from a non original screenplay" and best title song "I can go on and on and on and on and on and etc etc"].

Despite its complete dominance of this year's award scene, Thrupiece has divided critical opinion with some lauding the “epic and absolutely gripping” story-telling and others focusing on the liberties taken by film makers with the actual biographical details of Professor Thrupiece and his breakthrough research.

Dorset Film Monthly's Seymour Fillum's, for example, wrote: “not recognising that Professor Thrupiece was barely out of his shortie undergraduate gown when he began his formulations and suggesting instead that he was a mature adult is wholly misleading and undermines the extraordinary nature of his prodigious intelligence and the debt we all owe”; whilst What To See In Dorset Cinema's Ad Ultsonly opines that “CGI can only go so far in recreating that seminal moment when the laboratory fluff turned into an edible foodstuff. Showing this happening from the perspective of the fluff itself is truer to the zeitgeist of our times than the period in which the discovery was made and betrays a serious lack of understanding of [and perhaps even empathy with] the Professor himself who should surely be upfront and centre in a movie bearing his name. Depiction of that wondrous moment from his p.o.v. would surely have resonated more firmly with viewers, especially given the quality of Peni Cilian’s over-acting at this point".*.

* The Sydling St Nicholas Sun's Todd Ayo put it more succinctly: "Talking and dancing fluff? Really? In an adult movie that wants to be taken seriously? Bugger me backwards with a spoon if that's award-winning cinema!"

Regardless of critical opinion, however, there is no gainsaying the impact Thrupiece's complete dominance of the Awards will have on its makers bottom-line.

Usherette Ciggy Traye says full houses are a regular thing at the Alton St Pancras Odeon where all 25 seats are regularly occupied. ["Though to be fair quite a few of them are empty come the interval. Ticket sales might be up but half-time Kia-Ora orders are definitely down. By the end of the screening we're lucky to have the odd backrow couple remaining - and they are generally spent and in a deep post-coital sleep."]

Thrupiece is currently showing on all major screens in all cinemas and will likely remain so for months to come. It is also downloadable for free from most illegal torrent sites. VPN advised for those downloading illegally.


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