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Having Work Done

Almost no-one is immune - either from ageing or the temptation to recerse it.

A well-known Dorset personality was today drawn into a war of words with fans who have accused the star of rank hypocrisy after the 52 year-old high profile critic of cosmetic surgery was accused of having himself undergone procedures to hold back the progress of time. Absent for more than a month on a “private Turkish holiday retreat”, the star re-emerged in public for the first time on Monday looking, several observers said, “noticeably different from his former self”.

The actor who cannot be named for cosmetic reasons has frequently lashed out against co-stars who “try to pretend they are not ageing and foolishly believe that regular visits to clinics can arrest and even reverse the progress of time”. Star of stage, screen and daytime television J***n St******ne has been widely applauded for adopting a consistently principled stance on the matter especially since almost everyone agrees he would seriously benefit from “a bit of work”.

Today's Sydling St Nicholas Sun - reflecting the general mood of angry disbelief

However, fans are no longer certain that Mr is “sticking to his guns”. One dismayed and heartbroken follower - Diss Ilyushind of Bere Regis - spoke for many when she wrote on Mr St******ne's official fan club site: “You are a hypocrite, a shit and a f***ing bastard c**t who deserves to die in hell. I hope you melt you pathetic a**e wipe lowlife f**k shite w****r”. Mr official spokesperson admitted that “feelings are running somewhat high”.

However she insisted that the actor, model and B list personality had done nothing wrong and certainly nothing that would risk upsetting fans. "He’s of the never complain, never explain, school and so - like his hero Sir Ed Duvet - just gets on with doing nothing very much except outing other people on a regular basis".

Interestingly, however, can reveal that this is not the first time that the star has disappeared abroad for suspiciously long periods of time. In 2017, he was reportedly seen visiting the exclusive Clinique Threadbone de Bon Port [The Threadbone Clinic] situated on the lakeshore in Geneva, though the story was quickly squashed at the spotlight fell instead on Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore who was also in residence at the time*.

* The clinic has a reputedly distinguished though largely anonymous clientele and is famous as as a "we don't answer so you need not ask” establishment with a track record of secretive dealings in the "identity alteration field". Head clinician Professor Bryony Trulease - a graduate of The Moscow Institute of Extreme Plastic Surgery [KGB] - is widely regarded as the best in the business offering everything from "navel redesign and lobe subtraction to full body re-assignment". According to locals "people go in but we never see the same people come out. We have no idea what they do in there, though there's no smell and very little noise". [See Does Suite 6 Hold The Key to the Woman in Seat 2B? Thrupiece Blog September 6 2015 [HERE]]

The world-famous Clinique Threadbone de Bon Port [The Threadbone Clinic] as well known for its discretion as its advanced techniques

Whether or not Mr St******ne has indeed "undergone procedures", remains, for the time being, an open secret [surely open question? [Ed]; no open secret [Author]], though disillusioned fans are unlikely to let the matter drop any time soon. Threadbone X contributor Loos Ball-Bagge has X'd: "We will nail the two faced bastard and shove his new f****g teeth up his newly bleached a**e": a sentiment with which more than a few will identify.**

** has learned that a super-injunction was granted at the High Court Corfe Mullen today preventing anyone from naming Mr St******ne or writing anything derogatory about him. Sources close to the court said that it was likely SIr Ed Duvet - who has described Mr St******ne's action as "a smart move" would do the same.

A Doctor writes:

Almost no-one is immune from the effects of ageing or, if they have the wherewithall to consider it, techniques designed to reverse those effects. As a doctor I am often asked: is there an alternative to ageing? My answer is always and unequivocally the same: there is but I would have to refer you to a colleague with a different specialism and he doesn't keep regular hours or come cheap.

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