I'm An MDP; Get Me Out Of Here

APPEAL

As a Member of the Dorset Parliament for over 10 years, I need help.

For the past three years, I have consistently voted to try to end to the living hell of sitting in the Chamber every day - surrounded by idiots on all sides - by trying to bring down the present Government on any conceivable grounds and at every conceivable opportunity. To this end I have voted:

Against the Drexit deal on offer at any point in time - x8

Against a Drexit No-deal - x2

For a Backstop - x 4

Against a Second Slip - x3

For Remaining in the Dorset Customs Union - x5

Against Remaining in the Dorset Non-Customs Union - x5

To respect the outcome of the First Referendum - x2

To hold a Second Referendum - x2

To respect the outcome of the First Referendum whilst holding a Second Referendum - x3

To support a vote of the People, by the People's and for the People - x4

To make it up as we go along [status quo] - x5

To start all over again - x3

No confidence in the Government - x2

Every confidence in Non-Government x 2

In favour of the dissolution of the DP - x2

In favour of a General Election - x2

In favour of mass resignation - x2

In favour of mass suicide - x4

Please just stop - x6

What the f**k? - x8

On each an every occasion, I have failed to secure my freedom. What more, I ask myself, could I have done?

An MDP who wishes to remain anonymous says his life has been hell since he was elected to the assembly. "I want my life back and a return to the straightforward politics of bungs, corruption, cash-for-questions and local petty-theft. Happier times when we knew where we were and how to feather our nests quietly outwith of the public gaze. Is that too much to ask?", he says.

TEMPORARY RELIEF

You can well imagine my relief when at long last Parliament was prorogued and I was able to return to my family (and relative sanity) for (I thought) a few precious weeks. You can equally imagine my distress when, no sooner had I unpacked my rods and stretched out my underemployed posing pouch, than the damned Supreme Court ordered us all back to work and I was forced to end my annual holiday in Marbella prematurely. I bet that Lady Hale-Mary fits in a decent holiday every few months. It's alright for some. Think of others you selfish old fart!! I digress.

AN APPEAL

PLEASE, PLEASE, someone, bring this to an end. I'm an MDP: Get me out of here!

If you would like to help Brian and others like him, please send £10 to: "Free the Dorset 650", PO Box 69, Assembly House, Great Heaving, Dorset. Donations will not be acknowledged and you could be charged for your donation [under the Keep the Uncertainty of Drexit Going At All Costs Act [2017, 2018, 2019, renewable]. See you in the Supreme Court.